Back in 2019, I believed…
Life was filled with countless relationships ranging from a nurturing and platonic relationship to one that, sometimes, if you were truly lucky could sweep you off your feet.
It can divulge to you a newfound never-ending bliss: butterflies that flutter at a rapid pace, heart racing, mind tinkering
However, it's funny how the warning signs can feel like they're butterflies*
People don’t seem to warn you that those same butterflies can turn on you and attack and hurt your insides like angry wasps out of an empty nest.
You go through a period of time where you ask yourself:
What if it was all in my head? Am I the one who confused the situation? Did I think one way when in reality it was another?
Were the nights in which we talked for hours on end no more than beneficial to one party
Were you deceiving me
Did I deserve that treatment…
While I laid in bed with my heart bleeding down my sleeve
I learned to be strong, resilient
Those were the first steps to learning the range of my strength
A strength I never knew I could possess.
Because an ex's betrayal could be what another is looking for all along
But further than that, it can be a time for you to dwell in your own strength and even in the pain
Because despite the tallies and the romanticized set up of grief
good things CAN come after the fall, after the punch, after the grate, and after the pressure
In your own time, when you sweep your pain and transform it into an art of your own creation
It is spoken by you
You are speaking your own truth
My looking glass reflected all the moments that shined and glittered in the moonlight that night
And so, as I lay myself to sleep
I'll remember to give myself a hearty treat.
* "Graveyard" by HALSEY