With all the controversy surrounding the Rat this year, I have become so completely disenchanted with the eateries on campus that to comfort myself, I will scroll through Pinterest looking at photos of anything and everything to do with food. Inevitably, however, these pictures make my stomach rumble as if she’s never been fed before. Every bowl of pasta, every mug cake recipe, every cucumber salad makes her purr just enough to make me want to disappear into oblivion.
Don’t believe me? Just look at this picture of zucchini chips and listen to your little tum tum go brum brum.
Credit: Gale Comptom
But after I indulge myself in this food merriment, I want the real thing, yet the quest for something to satisfy my rebellious belly is practically futile at this campus. You may think I’m exaggerating, which I am slightly because I can, but truly, I struggle as a self-proclaimed picky eater. (I have researched support groups for picky eating but decided against them solely because the Picky Eater Adult Support Group calls itself PEAS, and peas, as defined by the dictionary, are a disgustingly green sphere of abomination.)
But luckily for Rhodes College, I have a suggested alternative for our dilemma as a community…Vending machines!
Vending Machines? you ask. Yes, indeed, I answer. But wait, doesn’t Rhodes already have barely functioning vending machines? you ask yet again. Oh, I begin, but have you ever heard of a potato vending machine?
And before you ask, yes, they exist, and of course, these machines are glorious because potatoes are innately glorious. After all, you can bake them, fry them, watch the little green sprouts grow out of them, roast them, mash them–so many possibilities, all of them as great as the last. And clearly, Gerry Finnegan recognized the phenomenon of the potato when he founded the first 24-hour potato vending machine in Termonfeckin, County Louth, Ireland–such a convenience for all fellow potato lovers in the area.
Credit: Drogheda Independent
But if you’re not sold on the potato vending machine, that’s okay because there are options. We could get vending machines for eggs, rice, caviar, lettuce–they’ve all been done before, so there’s no stopping us.
I mean, frick-frack-paddy-wack give a dog bone, there was a hotdog vending machine called the Speedy Weeny back in the 1940s, and going even further back, like first-century Roman Egypt further back, there used to be a Catholic holy water vending machine of sorts, so imagine the possibilities now. Seriously, Rhodes College, imagine the possibilities now.
Credit: Jameco
P.S. For a great food themed music video, please watch this. I promise it will bring you joy.