When the procrastination hits hard, I always find myself getting lost in YouTube. As a break from my chaotic life and studies, I’ll watch 2-3 minute movie trailers so that I can be all caught up with the latest movie releases and know which ones I want to see before they even hit the theaters. One day I was doing my usual scrolling when I came across a Netflix film entitled Otherhood. It seemed interesting and I recognized some of the cast so of course I clicked on it. Three minutes and my entire thought process changed. This film takes watchers on the journey of three mothers whose sons live in the city and have forgotten to do anything noteworthy for them for Mother’s Day. As they plan to surprise them in the city, it becomes their sons’ job to make them feel comfortable and loved over the next couple of days. In normal trailer fashion, all the funny parts roll first and about halfway through is when the sappy lines begin to hit. Ever since watching this specific trailer, one line hit closer to home than the rest:
“You know who you are without me. But I need to figure out who I am without you” (Otherhood, Chupack).
This line essentially sums up my entire college career thus far (so about eight weeks in). In my desperate attempt to get as far away from my hometown as possible, I chose to travel fourteen hours away. In the weeks leading up to my fleeing the nest, I was emotional to say the least. Many a time I sat with my mom and step-mom and cried about how I was nervous for things to change. I was going to a place where I only knew of my roommate and no one else. I was leaving somewhere that I was so insanely comfortable and knew what to expect. I have an older sister who left home her sophomore year of high school, then proceeded to go to India for a month, attend a college in Canada and then spend a year and a half in Japan studying architecture among other things. She now resides happily in London. Compared to her, I am a shut-in who never leaves the house. Needless to say, leaving was never my thing.
In my preparation to leave, I was so laser-focused on who I was going to be detached from my environment that I barely even thought about how my family was feeling. Within the human brain, it is almost impossible to imagine life carrying on if you are not physically present. This is similar to when you are sick as a little kid and stay home from school. How did the day continue with your classmates if you weren’t there? This is exactly how I felt about my family when I was leaving. How will they act without me? My mom and step-mom will have one less person to base their nightly meals on. My little sister will no longer roam the same hallways as I did with a big sister in the upper school. My room, after having been used every day of my life since living in that house, will no longer be occupied. It can be such an odd sensation thinking about life continuing on without you in a place, and with people, that were your whole life. Every day I work on becoming someone completely separate from my home environment, family, and friends. While I am here my family is there, on the same journey. For my mother, I was the last to leave the nest, so what will her weeknights and weekends look like without field hockey games, team dinners, me asking her to do my laundry or something as simply as her saying goodnight to me every night?
This entire process creates room for change for everyone involved. Although I am the one who is physically in a different place, living a different life than I did, my family is doing a variation of the same thing. As my journey continues, so does theirs and it makes it that much more exciting to be going through something all together. I am beyond thankful for the life my mom, step-mom, and sisters have created for me at home. But I become even more excited knowing that our journey doesn’t stop just because one path has ended. It just begins to evolve as we evolve along with it.