The question you can’t get out of your head is a big one. (Popeyes’ or Chick-Fil-A’s chicken sandwich?)
Your fears are only as scary as the amount of laundry in your hamper.
You can’t hire a ghostwriter for your life.
The snooze button won’t make it go away.
Wash your hands.
No, seriously, it’s flu season.
Bubble wrap your heart today.
Don’t overthink it. You probably were awkward.
This time, you are the problem.
Remember when you opened that umbrella indoors?
Secrets, secrets are no fun (especially when you’re bad at keeping one).
If the Rat has your favorite dessert, it has your favorite dessert.
What if you are your own source of chaos?
Sorry, the person you’re trying to get a hold of won’t come to the phone right now. Or ever.
Even astrology has its off days.
The squirrel who just found a Lair fry knows more than you think.
Don’t bother trying to be productive today. Even we know you won’t be.
Think of yourself as a phone battery.
Social media will be a force in your life today.
Be careful. You might join a cult.
Start your own Finer Things Club.
Have you fulfilled the basic requirements of human decency today?
Sometimes, you’re the clown.