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Sex + Relationships

Ask Scarlett: Why Don’t Guys at Rhodes Want to Date?

Bitchin’ Advice from a Kooky Hellraiser

Looking for snarky answers to your everyday problems? Shoot me an email at [email protected]! I promise to keep you anonymous, but I can’t promise to be nice.

Why don’t guys at Rhodes want to date?

This is a story you’re telling yourself, and not a helpful one.

First, why do you want to date? You’re not alone in your romantic anxiety – there’s a multimillion-dollar industry dedicated to giving shitty advice about how to “catch” a man (with a net? I’ve never figured that out). Romance is wonderful and big; it’s simultaneously everything you’ve heard and nothing like any of it at all. But dating is not romance or love. It’s dating, and it’s excruciatingly painful. Have you ever watched your Tinder date try to convince you that the Civil War wasn’t about slavery? Or had your crush s l o w l y  f a d e  away, but still keep your Snapchat streak?

If you’re getting into this because you think you’re supposed to, or you’re looking for a best friend, or that Big Sweeping Romance that is Instagrammable Content, get out. Join a club. Call your mom. Get back to studying. Rewatch Arrested Development. See a therapist. I don’t care, but grow up a little bit before you find yourself at coffee, or worse, trying to scheme your way into being someone’s girlfriend by jumping into bed with them. 

So, if you didn’t just decide to watch some porn or attend mass more often, please ask yourself: why do you think boys at Rhodes don’t want to date? To your credit, some guys don’t want to date. If you asked them why they might even tell you! Not wanting to date isn’t a character flaw. Beyond that, why do you keep chasing after boys that don’t want to date YOU? You’re only going to hurt your own feelings if you decide that each guy who’s not interested in dating you, isn’t interested in dating at all. What happens when that guy who “doesn’t want to date” starts dating that girl you hate? Does he still not want to date or are you going to have a big moment of I’m Not Good Enough

Read this. Hooking up is hooking up is hooking up. The next morning, he doesn’t owe you shit. Shotgun weddings are dead. Sex is not the magical in to dating. Believe him when he says he wants to hookup. Take responsibility for your sexuality and only hookup up with the expectation that it’s just that: a hookup. Surprisingly, you should believe what people are telling you. If a guy wants to be your friend, he wants to be your friend. If he wants to hookup, he wants to hookup. And if he wants to date you, I promise it will become clear. You won’t have to force their hand.

Even if you do find yourself wrapped up in a relationship that with Boy Who Doesn’t Want to Date (You), then your relationship is DOA. At most, all you’ll get out of it is 10 years of an emotionally dead relationship until he begrudgingly proposes, an obnoxiously expensive wedding, and an even more obnoxiously expensive divorce. I’m sure that’s been your dream since you were five, right? 

You deserve better than this. You deserve to date people who want to date you. You deserve not just to love, but to BE LOVED. Your precious heart will get your Big Sweeping Romance when you only pine for people who are pining for you. 

Tell yourself another story. Here’s the one I’d recommend: they’ll be someone you adore, who adores you. And you deserve that. 

Zara Raezer

Rhodes '22

Looking for snarky answers to your everyday problems? Shoot me an email at [email protected]! I promise to keep you anonymous, but I can't promise to be nice.
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