Ask Scarlett: Elizabeth Warren, Older Guys, and Flu Shots.

Bitchin' Advice from a Kooky Hellraiser

Looking for snarky answers to your everyday problems? Shoot me an email at [email protected] or fill out this form! I promise to keep you anonymous, but I can't promise to be nice.

Elizabeth Warren?

Vote for whoever the Democratic nominee is or get hit.

Rat or Lair?

False dichotomies are boring. Whichever one you’re closer to.

My boyfriend and I have a big age gap--what do?

Get out or suffer the consequences. Actually, true for all bad ideas. 

I’m failing a class, what’s next?

If you can still pass, try harder. The amount of time and effort you put into a class has a direct correlation to your grades. If the old college try doesn’t work, then you can take the L and drop. Talk to your parents, your professor, and your academic advisor. Don’t wait this long to drop next time. 

I hate my professor. 

Where’s the question mark on this? I hate vegetables but tough shit. Sometimes you have to deal with an asshole or eat broccoli. A semester is barely five months long. You’ll live.

Grad school?

What? Go to the career services center.

I have an STD--do I have to tell my hookups?

Yes. I know it sucks, but this is part of being sexually active. Your sexual health affects theirs--and the public at large. Save the next girl from chlamydia, please. Send a text and move on. 

Flu shot?

Yes. Also, wash your hands.

I’m already out of Lynx bucks, how did this happen?

Me too. This happened because we’re stupid. Make coffee in your dorm.