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Ask Monica: Caught in Cupid’s Crossfire and Driving Me Insane

My friend has a crush on one of our guy friends. I am scared to talk to him now because she gets so jealous. However, she keeps denying her true feelings. Please help.


Caught in Cupid’s Crossfire

I’m just going to go ahead and start by saying, yikes. With all respect to your friend, she knows that seventh grade was at least six years ago, right? The days of fighting over crushes, and Jennifer Lawrence being relevant are over. Since that’s all news to her, it might be time for a heart-to-heart. You shouldn’t feel obligated to drop a friend to avoid tension with another (that’s the Webster definition of a toxic relationship, right there).

 If you are looking to remain friends with that guy-friend (and the other friend), then it may be best to rip the conversational band-aid off with your jealous friend. Pin point what it is that is making you feel that she is jealous. What is it that’s making you scared to talk to him? How is she reacting? Once you have broken it all down to yourself, then figure out a safe, solitary space to talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and remember to say these are your feelings, not accusations. Remind her you don’t want tension in any of your relationships. She may keep insisting that she does not like him, but even in that case it cannot change how the situation has made you feel.

It is possible she has an explanation; maybe she does like him, and you’re naturally flirty so she’s scared that you may like him as well. Maybe she is the jealous-friend-type, and hates seeing her friends get close to other people. Another possibility might be that she’s jealous she is not as close of friends with him as you are. No matter the excuse, it doesn’t deny the situation that you are currently being put in, so it’s important that you address it with her.

How do you ask somebody on a date if you can’t drive? I worry sometimes that I can’t ask anyone out to places in Memphis because doing so would mean that either they’d have to drive or we’d have to Uber or take a bus.

The thought of telling a potential date we’re going to have to Uber just feels weird and bad.

Am I overthinking this? How can I bring it up without being super awkward?

– Driving Me Insane

You may be overthinking this situation just a little, but I totally understand the anxiety surrounding something like this. Asking someone out, on its own, sort of creates a huge weight of ‘what-ifs’, and lacking a car cues the production of even more. Luckily, dates don’t require any specific destination. You can be romantic without going to a luxurious restaurant in Germantown. If your date is physically-able to take walks that are within a couple blocks past the campus gates, then you have quite a few date options within this area.

One of these options is a coffee shop date. Take them on a walk to Cafe Eclectic. Walks offer the chance to be alone together, that restaurant dates don’t provide. You might find that the walk itself is even more fun than the actual coffee-date part. Another choice is picnicking at Overton Park. The weather is so unpredictable lately, that one day soon it should be a nice sunny day; and depending on which Rhodes-exit you take Overton is right around the corner. Get a blanket you can wash and some type of bag to carry things in. Then, stop by the Rat and get a couple sandwiches prepared, grab some apples and peanut butter, take some of their fancier bagels, and maybe fill a thermos with hot chocolate. After that, you two can walk over to Overton together, and make the most out of some beautiful weather.

Maybe you or your potential-date are not capable of walking that far (for any reason), or you just aren’t up for those choices, it’s not the end of the world. Calling an Uber is completely fine, and anyone worth your time won’t deem it as a reflection upon you. If you treat it as a normal thing, I guarentee they will too. When you do ask them out and you both decide on the time, let’s say (for this example) six, you can slip in that you’ll call for an Uber around 5:55 and that you both can walk to the Snowden gate together. As a disclaimer, I do not suggest splitting the cost of the Uber on the first date … don’t do that. If you are too scared of taking the Uber, then find a way to have your own date on campus. Find out what genre of movie they like and then ask them over for a movie-date. Make your room look cute and romantic with some fairy-lights or candles (in the case that you live on campus or your an RA, I totally meant the LED type), get some popcorn, and create some type of comfy, pillow filled space for the both of you. I guarentee that would be far more romantic than an actual movie theater date.

No matter what, don’t stress yourself out about it. Anyone who passes some kind of judgment on you for not owning a car wouldn’t be worth your precious time or energy in the first place.

XOXO … Monica

Monica K.

Rhodes '21

Looking for advice? E-mail me at [email protected]! It's hard to handle everything all on your own, which is where I come in. If you find yourself in a situation that WikiHow just doesn't seem to understand, then maybe it's time to talk to an actual person (no hate on WikiHow). Anything you send in is completely private, and will only be accessed by me, so don't feel like you have to create a whole new e-mail to keep your identity a secret. You are welcome to include information that you would like to be omitted from the article before it is published, just place "(omit)" at the beginning of the sentence(s) you would like to remain private, and at the end of the sentence(s). I encourage you to include as much background information as you are comfortable with providing. XOXO ... Monica
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