Friendships are awesome and very, very necessary but all the more tricky because of that. We all have either seen or had friendships that are amazing sources of strength and growth. We all see those cute friend-versary posts on Instagram where someone gets to brag on their friend for being the best ever. And we all want that. Unfortunately, some friendships are just not going to be like that. Some friendships do more harm than good, and as soon as we realize that, we need to let it go. Obviously, we shouldn’t be rude about it; burning bridges unnecessarily is never a good idea. But here are a few tips on how to evaluate if a friendship has passed its expiration date.
1. What kind of person are you with them?
If you’re wondering if you should still be holding on to a friendship, one of the first questions you should ask is what kind of a person you become when you spend time with them. Do you generally find yourself refreshed, excited, comforted, motivated, or even just happy after hanging out with them? Or do you end each meet up feeling tired, drained, irritated, and displeased? Do you find yourself breaking your own rules for yourself or saying and doing things you’ve never even wanted to allow yourself to do? I’ve always thought that a good friend inspires you to want to be a better person. So, if you’re finding that a friend continually encourages, either consciously or unconsciously, you to be a worse version of yourself, then that is a great sign that it’s time to at least seriously evaluate your friendship.
2. Are you confusing good memories with good people?
This may sound weird, but hear me out. I have recently just let go of a painfully drawn out, unhealthy friendship, but I did not do it as early as should have because I was so tied to the happy memories I had with the person. Every time something would happen and I would be confronted by how unhealthy and unhelpful our friendship was, I’d remember all the times we laughed and talked and did fun, stupid things. So I would hold on and hold on, even if those happy times were getting further and further away and all the recent times were bad, bad, and worse. Good memories will always be with you, but bad people shouldn’t be.
3. Is this a seasonal friendship/friendship of convenience?
Since I’ve been going through that friend break up, I went to my dad for some advice. He told me the hard truth is that not everyone is looking for a friend for all seasons. I’m the kind of person who tries to make friends for life, but not everyone has the same goal in mind when building friendships. They might just be looking for a class friend, or a friend who always agrees with them. You might be more of a convenience than a friend, and it is up to you to decide how you feel about that. All I can say is that be aware that not everyone who approaches you to become friends actually intends to be a good friend. So, if you’re not sure if you should hold on to a friend, maybe check to see if your motivation for pursuing and sustaining a friendship with someone is the same as theirs.
Of course, every friendship is different, and there is no catch-all response to every situation you may find yourself in. These tips are just ways to start evaluating your friendships. Some of the things I mentioned may not bother you, and maybe some of the things that are bothering you I just haven’t mentioned. That’s ok. Your friendships are yours. Yours to keep or to let go of. I wish you luck in finding out which, and, remember, even if you have to let go of a few not so great friends, you can always build better ones as you learn and go forward in life!