As I’m driving to work my mind wanders off To a text I received earlier that day Omg Syd there was almost a shooting at your school She sends the email she received A former student had guns and grenades and killing things all stowed away in collegetown At Cornell, an ivy league My friend I’ve known since kindergarten The email she receives trying to down play That a man was prepared to walk on her campus And bang Her dorm Her classroom Her college town
I think about national walkout day Hundreds of thousands of silent voices heard My brother doesn’t walk out Senior in high school he signed the petitions But doesn’t think him sitting for 17 minutes will do anything If the shooting of 20 six year olds won’t I guess I can’t blame him But I yell and I scream because I don’t want to see my little brothers face on the news When his high school or college gets shot up too Who am I kidding It won’t make it to the news My little brother with a bullet An image a sister, a mother, a father, should never have to think or see Is burned in my brain A pit in my stomach created that will never leave
I think about the dog who died in an airplane overhead bin And how legislation was Passed The very next day
But then I think again about Scarlett Lewis Who lost her child to a man who thought Who needs these children anyways
I think about the 7,000 shoes Of students who have died Because they sat at a desk That’s it
They sat at a desk That’s it Who needs these children anyway
I think how I hate the machines With bullets I know what I want will never be seen But does that mean that nothing can be done We can’t make it perfect so why even try To make any change at all Who cares about the few lives The few bodies that meet bullets But it will all be fine The 7,000 shoes are worth it It will all be fine
I think about my quad My school My dream school that I worked so hard to get to Now as I walk through my quad I don’t want to walk in the middle There are no buildings to run into On the left is the student center where I eat everyday No good places to hide there but hey A lot of other kids so hopefully I can escape Hopefully I look farther up and I see Tator Hall Where students are thinking and learning About things they don’t care about now but will turn them into doctors and lawyers I think about if they will duck under their desks Or run to the back to call their parents Im lucky my room is right next to the door to my dorm building He can’t get in my room and I won’t be spending too much time in the hallway It’s the little things we have to appreciate I look forward and I see Echlin building Where I sit for 9 hours a week My classroom has a indent Where I can run and hide
So if he just shoots from the doorway hey I’ve outsmarted him That little indent can’t hold 23 Good thing I chose the right seat
This is also the building where I work as a tour guide I get to show my Quad and my love for my school to students just like me Whose smiling faces and million questions fill be with joy And hope And remind me why I am here for my learning He probably won’t come here There are not a lot of students and Im hidden in the back And the table is large and hard to see under I love my job On the right is sleeping giant Where I hiked with my friends and we sat and we looked down at our school with thoughts of our futures The mountain was high but we got to the top Now I look up and I see another mountain Too tall to reach the top I can cry and kick and scream But that mountain top will never get near Because to reach the top there has to be change And if 20 kindergarteners cold dead eyes won’t do that They I don’t think I’ll see the top in my lifetime But hey At least I know where to hide
I am afraid I am afraid for my little cousins and brother For my friends new and old For students For my future children For myself I am afraid I am afraid
I Am Afraid