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“Nothing is wrong; just leave me alone!” This is a staple phrase that is iconic for its representation of all that is confusing – all that is woman. “Okay, but you asked me to leave…” Oh silly, silly boy, have you learned nothing from the abundance of vines, posts, articles and the like? The scene played out here is the ultimate portrayal of the complete polarity between the species of male and female. ‘Tis how it’s been since the dawn of time. You know why dinosaurs went extinct? A couple kept fighting over whose turn it was to feed their beloved pet. Low and behold, their constant bickering caused an everlasting ripple in the waters of time. Alas, it is our primitive duty to honour the ways of yore, and to proceed to speak in tongues to men – and men in foreign to women. This article shall walk you through a couple of the most stereotypical situations occurring between the two sexes, and subsequently, the triviality of it all.

It is an ongoing conflict that men and women simply don’t, can’t and never will come to understand one another. However, the blame is to be shared equally, for men and women truly are the same. Yes, this may come as a shock, post ramble of how discrepant we are (we being women), but ultimately, males and females are on par. Both prefer to beat around the bush as opposed to putting forth what’s on their mind. I guess it’s in due that rollercoaster rides are much more enticing than the simplicity of the merry-go-round. Alas, we may argue continuously, fight persistently and plot like we belong on the cast of Gossip Girl, but we still are one with our neighbouring alien.

“As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: you can be right or you can be happy” —Ralphie May. Men are warned to tread carefully whence dealing with a woman, especially when she’s playing hostess for good ol’ Aunt Ruby. Not only are men warned, but extensive lessons are taught on the do’s and don’ts with a woman – most importantly when her body is being driven by a blood-thirsty maniac who’s taken multiple shots of hormones. Yet somehow the male race always manages to say or do the wrong thing, which causes an outrage. Not to mention we lay out the rules of law meticulously for them to simply obey, and yet they still choose to stray from the path of happiness. Thenceforth an argument festers, bubbles and implodes upon interaction with the one of opposite sex. Conclusively, men should just listen to what we tell them, lest they want problems to arise.

Now, women, I’m aware I placed the blame on men in the previous paragraph, but I have also mentioned that we are one in the same. Hear me out: we do tell them what we want and gift them with blueprints to our souls. However, we tell them what we want by giving them clues and placing them in a never-ending maze, the blueprints are coded in a language only women could understand and for good measure, we sprinkle in a few tricks here and there to spice it up. How are they ever to understand what we are depicting? Hence the ongoing frustration between the two. In addition, I believe that women truly are unaware of what quenches the thirsts of our needy souls. I shall provide a few examples as a means to paint a vivid picture bringing my words to life: “I’m not hungry,” “I honestly don’t care,” “Don’t call me…” Although cliches, every woman, including myself, has fallen victim to these words of wry. Again, what fun would it be to allow man a glance into our minds or to speak in terms of unambiguous manner? This is the reason the ongoing war is, well, ongoing, ’til day of present.

Alas, women speak in riddles and men cannot take a hint. For this reason, relationships, platonic or romantic, could be compared to a battlefield in the most gruesome video-game out there. Men are from Mars; their cultures, laws and ways of life are unique and solely theirs. Women are from Venus; our alien lifestyles, although foreign to Earth, are not on par with the martians next door. Therefore, we’ve got the universe to blame for our lack of communication skills, for placing us on different planets has caused an irreparable rift that seems to be increasing in size, toxicity and danger. Fear not, my friends: there exists a solution that is uncomplicated and straightforward. The solution is more like friendly advice in hopes of saving the planets. I say: women just be honest, and men, in addition to the honesty, just be careful and do as told. There you have it: a way to live in harmony!

Susan Mokh

Queen's U '21

Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.
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