When I was younger, I used to hate going anywhere by myself. I wouldn’t let my parents leave me in a store to go to the washroom, walk down the street to check the mail, or even go to the grocery store alone after I got my driver’s licence. My anxiety disorder certainly didn’t make the nerves of being alone in public any easier, but I’m not the first person I know who hates being seen alone in public. The stigma of spending time with yourself or doing any kind of activity alone simply because you want to is embedded into our world: we see someone sitting alone at the movies or eating by themselves in a restaurant and we immediately feel pity. But why?
I’ve always thought of being alone and being lonely are two different things. Being alone is the physical act of being by oneself while being lonely is the emotion of longing for another person or connection. I’ve experienced loneliness while being in a room full of people I love, and I’ve experienced some of my happiest moments while being on my own. Whenever I tell my friends or my family I’m going on a walk by myself or going to grab food alone, I always get that “are you okay?” look. To which I say I’m more than happy, and I’ll be back soon. I’ve even offended people in my life for saying I want to spend some time by myself rather than hanging out with them, or anyone. It’s nothing personal, and it’s even healthy.
Sometimes I move so fast throughout the days that I don’t stop to be with my own thoughts or to recognize how I’m feeling and why. Just as we check up on our loved ones, we must check up on ourselves. Sitting with your own thoughts can be scary sometimes, especially if you’re going through something, but turning away from them does more harm than addressing them. Checking up on yourself can be as simple as understanding that you feel sad and going out to buy yourself ice cream. Think about how you would take care of a significant other, or a gesture you would do for a friend: buying them lunch, cozying up with them and watching a movie, or taking them out to do their favourite activity. Why is it so frowned upon to treat yourself, care for yourself, and love yourself as you would others?
Every day, I try to get to know myself in a new way. I like to think and see where my thoughts take me without judgement, to try new things and discover new places. I often bring my camera to capture the beautiful moments on my own so I can remember why it’s so important to be alone sometimes. How else will you really get to know yourself?