Hi friends, and welcome to Men’s Health Week here at Her Campus Queens!
I’d like to first set a scene for you. Picture this… you’re having patio drinks with your best friend on a hot summer day. Your best friend tells you that her boyfriend didn’t come home last night and said, “I was at my buddy’s house”. She then proceeds to tell you that her boyfriend’s location was on the other side of town from the so-called “buddy’s” house. Then you scream, “How dare he!? Men are trash, I legit hate them all,” knowing very well that you’re in a healthy relationship with a man that treats you like the queen you are.
To me, this seems problematic. Why are some women so quick to say that they “hate all men”? Speaking from my personal experience as a woman, I used to consider this phrase to be slang for: “I’m mad at this one man, but all men have the potential to do this, so I’m going to say I hate them all just to be safe”. In all reality, I know that all men aren’t bad. I know that men can do bad things, especially to women, like sexual violence, domestic abuse, manipulate women, etc. Although, lately I have been thinking that saying ”I hate men” is a form of toxic masculinity.
Do you remember when you were in elementary school and there was always at least one student that would cause trouble for the teacher? I remember the teacher would punish the entire class because of this one kid’s behaviour; and how is that fair? The term “I hate all men” is just like punishing a whole gender even though some men are good people.
The same goes for women. How many times have women heard “all women are crazy”. Not all women are crazy. How is that a fair statement to say? Language is something that can be really hurtful and diminishing, especially when it is a phrase that you hear constantly.
Men’s mental health is something that is not discussed far enough. Men have all the freedom in the world to share their feelings and emotions. I think that one of the reasons that men don’t speak up enough is because there is such a harsh stigma built around men’s mental health. The language that we use is affecting how men feel about themselves.
I used to say “I hate men” at least once a day. I would use it out of rage and frustration when a man made me upset. I would use it when I saw a man drive with the music blasting from his car. I would use it in class when I would hear a story of a horrible thing a man did to a woman. I now realize that using this phrase is doing nothing but following a trend. I believe that if our language was changed, that stereotypes about men and women would not be so harsh.
Now, instead of saying “Ugh, I hate men” I say, “That was not okay what he did” or “That is terrible, how dare he do that? Are you okay?” Of course, I never want to justify the bad things that people do to one another – if you hurt someone on purpose that is wrong. Although, by changing my language, I now am not talking about a whole, but rather the individual.
Our language is important and watching what we say is a small step into changing stigmas. You can say whatever you want, but remember that once those words are said, you can never take them back.
Stay safe and healthy.