When is it Okay to Comment on Someone’s Body?

Spoiler! The right time to comment on someone’s body is never.

I haven’t always felt this way. In the past, I definitely would’ve considered “you look skinny!” or “you’re looking so fit these days” to be the best kinds of compliments. The truth is, no matter how good it might feel to hear that type of compliment in the moment, it really doesn’t promote having a positive body image.

This isn’t meant to bash anyone for doling out these compliments, because odds are they’re completely sincere. My point is, it’s just unnecessary. As a 20-year-old girl, I know that if you’re trying to flatter someone, our society tells us that saying “you have a good body” is the highest form of flattery. Though, unfortunately, a “good” body translates to slender and toned, according to current diet culture and beauty standards.

What I’ve learned is that no matter how good someone looks, or whether you think they’d be happy to hear that they’re looking more fit than usual, there’s absolutely no need to comment on it. There are countless other qualities that people can be complimented on; their body is just simply not your concern.

You have no idea what’s going through someone else’s head, and you have no idea what kind of relationship someone else has with their body. For those suffering from eating disorders, commenting on how skinny they look can prompt them to think that whatever they’re doing to try to change how their body looks is working.

It perpetuates the mentality that skinny is better.

Coming to university – where the culture is going out four times a week (every week) and the uniform of choice is either a crop top and tight pants or a skin-tight dress – I spent a long time thinking that maybe this mentality was right. That maybe skinny was better. Maybe I just wasn’t caught up on what was really important.

It’s an easy thing to think when every other conversation you hear has to do with either someone’s own physical appearance or picking apart someone else’s physical appearance.

My eyes have been seriously opened.

I realize now that a lot of phrases used to talk about someone’s figure or their relationship with food aren’t healthy. There’s nothing normal about skipping dinner so you’re “not bloated” for the outfit you’re going to wear later, or so you can get drunk faster.

Saying “that shirt is so flattering” is actually very backhanded. At least to me, it always sounds like, “wow, that shirt actually makes your body look good” and makes me think that they’ve noticed how other things I wear don’t flatter me. I know this sounds incredibly pessimistic, like, why not just take a compliment? But the reason I’m mentioning this is because even though you may not interpret these comments this way, if you’re using them to flatter someone else, you should be mindful of how they might construe your words. If someone is having a poor body image day, there’s no telling how long your words will stay with them.

The bottom line is, don’t share your opinion about someone else’s body. People already think about their bodies enough; they don’t need your input. Stay focused on appreciating healthy habits, such as eating when you’re hungry, eating foods you enjoy, exercising because it makes you feel good, and wearing clothes that make you feel happy and confident.

• body image
• body positivity
• health
• lifestyle