If you are an avid consumer of romantic media, have you ever felt a sense of shame when expressing your affinity for it? If you have—you are not alone. Unfortunately, romance as a genre has been looked down upon for so long, despite its popularity today. I personally enjoy it no matter the medium, but being open about that has been particularly hard for whatever reason. Anytime I bring up being a big reader, for instance, the first thing I’ll get asked is what types of books I enjoy. Sure, I can give them a whole list of genres because I love immersing myself in all kinds of art, but the moment I dare mention romance the response is usually not positive. I can still find a community of romance readers easily, but I cannot echo the same sentiment with video games that either have romantic undertones or center around it entirely.
Sexuality and Media
To understand why romance games seem to cultivate a whole new level of hatred, we need to look at the genre itself and why it’s viewed this way. We also need to understand that art is powerful in how it reflects the human experience and provides a space for empowerment and self-expression. We may turn to it after a long day of work for the sake of finding comfort and creating it for the same reasons. Human connection—and this does not solely have to mean romantic relationships—is an integral part of our lives and the aforementioned human experience.
Romantic media particularly concerns a deep bond forged between people despite or depending on their circumstances, yet it is often undermined or seen as shallow. While I must agree that a lot of romance books or films are mass-produced and nearly homogeneous in nature nowadays, it should not take away from the fact that there is still compelling art in the genre. If the intentions behind producing the work are not shallow, if it does not contain harmful subliminal messaging, then the work should not be considered such.
So… Why is it undermined? Why is it considered shallow? Unfortunately, there is a clear answer to those questions—misogyny. We must acknowledge that the target audience is women. As demonstrated by the shame that I and many others feel at the mention of enjoying a good romance, people do not seem to treat spaces meant for women too kindly. Unfortunately, media targeted towards women has been seen as unintelligent or frivolous. That, combined with the fact that the art created under the genre provides a space for audiences to interact with themes of sexuality and express their own, elicits more extreme levels of criticism (you can thank purity culture for that). To stamp out ideas of sexuality, and to prevent the expression of it, people are discouraged from interacting with media that promotes it. This is not a recent phenomenon. This genre has been the proverbial punching bag for decades.
Otomes and dating simulators
This brings me to dating simulators. They are a relatively niche part of the Western gaming sphere at this point, as they are more popular outside of it. That is important to acknowledge because it influences the reception of these games, as well as how these games generally look. Generally, they are in the form of visual novels, a medium that is often seen as non-immersive in the Western world–and many consider it boring because of the lack of proactive action.
Since our focus is media targeted towards women, it is important to bring up Otomes. Otome games are romantic visual novels made with women in mind (seeing as it means maiden in Japanese)—but anyone can play them, and they particularly fall under the JRPG genre. The games are formulaic in how the player follows the usually female protagonist as she romantically pursues one of the secondary characters, and her fate is determined by the choices the player makes. It can, however, feel rigid because of the confines of the textbox and the lack of visual stimulation, hence being considered boring. Many argue that the format can add to its appeal, seeing as its interface is meant to be accessible. The content of these games is what has long been considered controversial.
On one hand, the player is autonomous in how they can control the narrative. They make choices that greatly influence the fate of the characters involved. For many, this can feel like reconstruction of gender dynamics seeing as the player has agency, and the male characters’ respective storylines are dependent on the choices the protagonist makes. Many critiques of heterosexual romance stories point to the female lead’s narrative dependency on the male lead, but here, there is this divergence of that fact.
On the other hand, the agency given to the player does not necessarily undo the patriarchal and heteronormative values the love-lines in these games seem to bank on. The female lead is often portrayed as a damsel in distress, and her appearance across multiple titles is relatively the same. There is also rarely any representation for women of colour. While this is more apparent in the older games, it is an existing commonality among many of the popular titles nonetheless. Seeing as media is so integral to our socialization, as aforementioned, this can be harmful for the consumer. Acknowledging this is important.
Of course, everything above depends on the game you choose to play. But one fact remains the same—these games and their players receive backlash. A lot of it. Many of the harsh criticisms stem from the fact that traditional video game spaces cater to men. Spaces that cater to women aren’t regarded as serious or real gaming. Once again there exists this idea that these works are frivolous or unintelligent, but now, people wrongfully attribute these things to the player as well.
Is it truly so wrong?
If you enjoy immersing yourself in romance and dating simulators, you should not feel ashamed. The genre should not take away from the fact that you are consuming art; as long as you remain critical of what you retain from it, you are not doing any harm by embracing your interests. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a good romance.