Before arriving at university, I was admittedly scared of putting myself out there. I know this is common, but for me, it was a bit extreme. I was always quick to say no to virtually everything spontaneous. Hang-outs that weren’t laid out in a comprehensive pre-planned manner, road-trips with friends, walks during lunch period in high school…Honestly, it might’ve been the result of being raised to believe that spontaneous plans take away from being productive; the belief that time is money and all that. I also had a hard time straying from my day-to-day, which high school definitely had a hand in; given the fixed class and extra-curricular timings, as well as my job having a strict shift schedule. Any spontaneous plans that may emerge disrupt the structure high school has given me, and that felt scary. I hated being off my routine.
I knew based on my attitude towards being spontaneous that the transition to university was going to be rough for me. My agenda was my crutch, and yes, I could bring that with me, but there was one issue. The pages would differ a lot per day. Like, a lot. I went into this reassuring myself I could handle this level of a shift, but everything that came with it still freaked me out. Plus, I found comfort in my time alone. To the point where I missed out on many important memories. Especially given that I’d be far from home now, I really needed to change that.
It’s cliche, but my sister had told me that in order to make the most out of university, I had to get out of my comfort zone. For someone who was a borderline recluse, this meant abandoning it entirely. Then, she put a sentence out into the air—one that, unbeknownst to the both of us, would shape my entire first year experience.
“Never say no to any opportunity to hang out with or make a friend.”
I remember the day before moving in, she sat me down while I was packing and told me I needed to stop saying no to hanging out with others, or else I’d fall into the same habit of denying opportunity. Given she had already experienced undergrad at Queen’s, and I saw her bloom into someone who was unafraid of being herself in any situation she faced, there was obvious merit in her advice. She walked out of university with bonds that are virtually unbreakable, and is someone capable of forging meaningful connections in any environment she finds herself in.
For something that has been a staple in my high school years, I was slowly abandoning that agenda—as I suspected. Trying to budget time for all of my work, time to find friends, alongside the orientation festivities wasn’t exactly working. I’m not saying there’s an issue in planning your day out, for me though—I was really inhibiting myself with it. This is when I began to realize the beauty in spontaneity, and the little things that unfold unplanned.
There was one particular day back in September that I did not adhere to my plan for the evening. After a stressful week of adjusting to the academic rigour—the seemingly insurmountable pile of readings I had been assigned—I scheduled that entire night for taking a break and indulging in one of my favourite video games. It was that particular night I got a text from one of my very close high school friends asking if I would be down to take a walk around campus. See, being the person I was, I almost denied that in favour of what I had scheduled. Thanks to the advice I was given, I didn’t.
That night was my introduction to a group of the most amazing people ever. It was an encounter by chance—an exchange of compliments and small talk. My keychains were recognized, and the rest was history. I did not know I was set to be meeting my future housemates, to be making the most amazing memories, and to be meeting the group of people I know are going to be ever-present for the rest of my university experience.
That night was my first exposure to the art of the ‘side-quest,’ or the ability to stray from the main goal (surviving university) and still reaping the benefits. Within two days of meeting my friends, we all studied together at the library (also something I did not plan on doing), and I randomly mentioned owning a Nintendo Switch. That very day, I hosted them in my dorm and we all played Mario Party together. The old me would have been frantic about not being equipped to handle so many spontaneous situations back-to-back, but I slowly shed my reservations. It made me someone more versatile.
I became the person I would not recognize a year ago today. Honestly, I think she would be proud more than anything. As I mentioned before, rather than hating spontaneity, I was more so afraid of it. Now, I find comfort in knowing that there is the ability to balance between an overarching goal, and spontaneous yet important social events. Sometimes, feeling the urge to go to a cafe on a random Wednesday night with a friend can bring you two closer. Accompanying another friend to replenish her eyeliner and getting caught in the rain can make you both fond memories. A friend may bring up going to the mall to pick up some essentials—it is up to you to say yes, of course, depending on if you are confident on where you stand academically—but I encourage you to go for it. I really do owe it all to my sister for that push.