Being in a relationship during university is difficult in itself. Learning about yourself, making mistakes, finding new interests and balancing each area of your life is already a challenge without an extra person to account for. It’s even harder when you are doing long distance.
Of course, long-distance is a conscious choice. You can ask anyone involved in this type of relationship and they’ll tell you that it is most definitely worth it for whoever they are with. People going through the difficulties that come with not being able to see your significant other understand that it takes a new level of effort – a level that wouldn’t be worth it if you really didn’t see it long term. After going through phases of long-distance for almost two years, here is some advice I can offer:
Communicate.
Communication is important in any relationship. It is especially important in a long-distance relationship. Since you can’t see the person every day, your only source of communication is through the phone. It is easy for things to be misconstrued this way because we can’t rely on physical cues like tone, body language, facial expression, and so on to help convey the message. It is also hard if one person fails to properly communicate; for instance, if one person hardly texts throughout the day, or if the texts seem cold and dry, it’s easy to feel disconnected from your partner.
FaceTime. Often.
Texting is great for keeping in touch with someone throughout the day, but nothing beats seeing their face and having a vocal conversation with them. Nothing is better than seeing someone in person, but when that is nearly impossible, FaceTime is a close second. Not only does it feel like you are in each other’s presence, but it maintains a connection between you two as you are able to vent to one another, hear each other laugh and have time solely for your relationship amongst your busy day.
Rotate your visits.
It is very important for many people to feel like their relationship is 50/50. If both parties are able to, make sure that each person is making the effort to see the other person wherever they are. If you’re away at school, go to your significant other’s school and ensure that they come to yours. It is simply unfair for one person to constantly be travelling, spending money and making accommodations if the other person isn’t.
Set boundaries.
Since your person isn’t necessarily aware of your day to day schedule as they would be if they saw you every day, it is easy to be on different pages. Maybe one night you need to finish a paper and can’t be on your phone as often. Maybe one night you are going out to the bars and won’t be sober enough to send coherent texts! You may even be in different time zones and are living opposite schedules. You are allowed to live your life and set boundaries as long as you explain this thoroughly to the other person, and create common ground in your relationship.
Have something to look forward to.
Being in a long-distance relationship that lasts for months, or even years can feel daunting. If you don’t have a distinct “end” to the long-distance, it may feel especially hard. To counteract this, try planning special days or visits with your significant other. Go away on vacation together or plan a special date so you can feel that you have something to look forward to with this person!
Be affirming.
There are 5 love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and receiving gifts. In a long-distance relationship, many of these things are limited. A lot of the time you must rely on words of affirmation to show your partner love because you can’t spend quality time with them, you can’t touch them and you can’t do things for them. Make sure you put effort into maintaining your relationship by affirming your partner even when you can’t be with them physically.