For the longest time, I thought being a good friend meant always being present in the most visible ways. I thought it meant routine texting and hangouts and always knowing what was going on in each other’s lives. If too much time passed without talking, it felt like something was slipping, like the friendship was quietly fading in the background. I felt like it was a case of delaying the inevitable.
But, the more I see it and the older I get, the more I realize that not all friendships work like that. Some of the strongest ones in my life have never depended on constant communication. They exist in a quieter, steadier way and somehow that makes them feel even more secure.
One of my closest friends is someone I’ve known since Grade 1. At this point, calling her just a friend doesn’t even feel accurate because she is more like a sister to me. Our childhoods are completely intertwined, filled with shared memories that feel impossible to separate from one another. Even though we haven’t seen each other in almost two years, that connection hasn’t changed. Life took us in different directions, and staying in touch consistently hasn’t always been easy. But whenever we meet up, even with a lot of time passing, it feels like stepping into a version of life that has been waiting for us the whole time. It doesn’t feel like a moment has passed since we last saw each other. From weekly playdates to bi-annual get-togethers, much has changed but so much remains.
There’s something almost surreal about it. We don’t need time to warm up or figure each other out again. Within minutes, we fall back into the same rhythm, laughing at the same kinds of things and talking like no time has passed at all.
It’s not just about remembering the past either. It’s about how naturally we fit into each other’s present, even after so much time apart. That kind of familiarity doesn’t fade, and it doesn’t need constant attention to stay alive.
I was reminded of this recently in a really simple way. I was at home when I decided to message a friend, someone who is like the older sister I never had. We hadn’t properly caught up in a while after she came back to campus for her graduation in the Fall. She told me she was in the car driving to Waterloo and said I should call her if I was free, and so I did.
What I thought would be a quick catch-up turned into a long conversation that made time pass without me noticing. We talked about everything, starting with random updates and slowly moving into the things that had actually been weighing on us. Stress about the future, uncertainty about what comes next, and that quiet pressure to have everything figured out. It didn’t feel planned or forced. It just felt easy, like we had picked up a conversation that had been paused instead of ended. And in that moment, it reminded me of something I think we forget a lot. Some friendships don’t need constant “watering” to survive. They are more like succulents, resilient and able to grow even when life pulls you in different directions.
That kind of friendship matters more than we usually stop to think about. When everything else feels temporary or uncertain, these are the people who remind you of something constant. They have seen you in different phases of your life, and they understand you in a way that doesn’t need to be explained every time.
I think a lot of us have been taught to measure friendships by how often we talk or how quickly we respond. It can make distance feel like failure, like something is slowly breaking apart. I know I’m guilty of this when it comes to late responses and you can literally ask any of my friends. But some friendships aren’t built on frequency, they are built on history, trust, and the ability to pick up right where you left off.
I feel like that’s why these friendships are especially worth paying attention to. They show you that closeness doesn’t always look loud or constant, and that something can still be strong even when it’s quiet. They give you space to grow into new versions of yourself without losing the connection entirely.
If you think about it, you probably have someone like this in your life. Someone who feels like home, even if you haven’t seen them in a while. Someone who doesn’t need an explanation to understand you, because they’ve been there through so many versions of you already.
It might be worth reaching out to them, not because anything is wrong, but simply because they matter. Not every friendship needs constant attention, but the ones that last are always worth appreciating. Sometimes just reminding someone that they’re still part of your life is enough to keep that connection growing.
Some friendships come and go, and some change as life moves forward. But the ones that stay, even quietly in the background, are often the ones that shape you the most. They grow with you, even when you don’t realize it, and they’re still there when you find your way back.