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Can drunk sex really be consensual between two parties? Read on to find out what female Queen’s students really think about having drunk sex!
1. How old are you?
Girl A: 21.
Girl B: 21 years old.
Girl C: 22.
2. What is your current relationship status and for how long?
Girl A: Casually dating for 1 month.
Girl B: In a committed relationship for 3 years and 9 months.
Girl C: In a committed relationship for 3.5 years.
3. Have you ever had drunk sex?
Girl A: Yes.
Girl B: Yes.
Girl C: Yes, many times.
4. How was it? Would you do it again? Was it enjoyable?
Girl A: It was enjoyable and I would do it again.
Girl B: It was enjoyable because I felt uninhibited and adventurous; if highly intoxicated, it would be sloppy and less enjoyable; I would not do it again because I have become more comfortable with myself and my partner where I can feel uninhibited and adventurous without using alcohol; in addition, I find myself less aware of being sexually safe when I have drunk sex and this increases risk for unwanted sexual problems (i.e. pregnancy) and causes stress for myself the next day.
Girl C: I would do it again. Since I’m in a long-term relationship it’s a fun way of changing things up from the ordinary.
5. Compare it to sober sex: better, worse, enhanced, messy, clumsy? Describe the two in comparison.
Girl A: Sober and drunk sex were relatively the same in comparison.
Girl B: As previously mentioned, now I am more comfortable with being uninhibited and adventurous with my committed partner without using alcohol. I feel a better connection with my partner as we can both make a clear emotional bond with one another. It is less clumsy and messy, but a lot safer as I am highly aware of sexual safety. Since I worry less about unwanted sexual problems because I am highly aware of sexual safety, I can enjoy sober sex more than I can enjoy drunk sex.
Girl C: I would not say it’s better than sober sex; I feel like it’s comparing apples and oranges—drunk and sober sex both have their benefits.
6. Considering all the talk these days about drunk sex and whether consent can actually be given, what are your opinions on consent and enthusiastically consenting to sexual activities?
Girl A: I believe you can give consent to sex while you’re drunk but I suppose it depends on your level of intoxication.
Girl B: I believe consent can be given when either parties have had a drink or two (an estimate as I know alcohol percentage and body size/weight indicate the effect of alcohol on an individual); however, when one or more party drinks to the extent that they cannot hold themselves up or form a coherent sentence or thought, I do not believe consent can be given as their judgement has been impaired by alcohol.
Girl C: I’m a firm believer in enthusiastic consent, but it’s definitely a grey area when it comes to being under any sort of influence. In terms of legal definitions, you cannot consent if intoxicated but this has severe implications on all drunk sex. I feel very conflicted on the topic since when I have drunk sex I consider it to be consensual and will usually discuss it with my partner beforehand to make sure we’re on the same page. In the past we’ve had instances where we were going to both drink and I told my partner that I didn’t feel like being sexual later on and they respected my decision. It’s super important to keep an ongoing dialogue open about consent.
7. Do you think consensual drunk sex can be fun or sloppy?
Girl A: Fun.
Girl B: Consensual drunk sex can be fun, but sloppy and risky.
Girl C: It’s fun because it’s sloppy!
8. If you met someone you liked at a party and you were both intoxicated, would you bring them home? Or are you too unsure about the topic?
Girl A: I don’t believe I would.
Girl B: Previously, when I was single I would not bring them to my house, but would go to someone’s place and drunkenly touch one another’s sexual organs; however, upon the recent attention to date rape and the question of consent, if I were single now, I would never bring someone home I met at a party, nor would I go back to their place (as this increases the risk of being sexually assaulted) as parties often attract a large crowd of people that you do not know well or at all.
Girl C: Would I do that now? No. Flashback to first year university, I totally did. Doing that was how I figured out the hook-up culture wasn’t for me.
9. Do you think drunk sex between two people in a committed relationship is non-consensual, or rape, even?
Girl A: If one partner has not given consent, then yes.
Girl B: Drunk sex between two people in a committed relationship can be non-consensual or even rape if one partner is unconscious while sexual activities occur, or if one partner tells the other partner to stop but the offending partner persists.
Girl C: The wording of this question confuses me. I think that committed relationships have an ongoing consent process and that rape can easily take place regardless of the relationship status.
10. Do you think it is acceptable for two people to be in a committed relationship to have drunk sex?
Girl A: Yes.
Girl B: I believe it is acceptable as long as they are in a trusting partnership and listen to one another’s desires, wants and limits (i.e. if one partner tells the other to stop, the offending partner stops).
Girl C: Yup, as long as they have discussed what drunk sex means to them and what they do/don’t consent to.
11. Do you think it is acceptable for two people who either have just met or have been casually hooking up to have drunk sex?
Girl A: Yes.
Girl B: There continues to be a social stigma around drunken sex between two people who have just met or have been casually hooking up; however, I believe no one should be slut shamed if they freely choose to be sexually active with whomever they want so yes I find it acceptable if it is of their own volition; I would prefer that these two people are actively safe (i.e. utilizing protection, getting regular medical/sexual health check ups).
Girl C: Again, super grey area…but if the way a person experiences relationships is casual hooking up then I don’t feel it’s my place to call it unacceptable.
12. What are your thoughts on one partner being sober while the other is drunk, and they have sex? Is that acceptable/unacceptable?
Girl A: If both partners have consented to the experience, then it is acceptable.
Girl B: It is acceptable if they are in a trusting relationship (not necessarily a monogamous, committed relationship) where each partner listens to the needs and wants of one another; if one partner possesses “power” (whether that be social, political, financial power) over another, it becomes problematic as this has the potential to become an example of abuse of power (i.e. workplace blackmail).
Girl C: As long as both the drunk and sober partner consent to it (preferably beforehand) I think it’s okay.
13. Has that ever happened to you?
Girl A: Yes.
Girl B: Yes.
Girl C: Yes.
14. What are your thoughts on it? Do you regret it? Were you drunk or sober?
Girl A: I was drunk and my partner was sober. It was an acceptable situation and I do not regret it.
Girl B: When I have been the drunk partner, I have only ever had vaginal intercourse or oral sex with my partner because I trust him to listen to my needs, wants and limits; I do not regret it because it has provided a sense of personal growth and development for myself, however, I now know I will not drunkenly have sexual intercourse with anyone as my thoughts on drinking have severally changed. When I have been the sober partner, I generally cannot tolerate any form of intercourse from my drunk partner as it is too sloppy and risky because his mind is “clouded” by alcohol.
Girl C: I have had instances where I have been both the drunk and the sober person in the scenario, I didn’t think poorly of it.
Photo by Willow David
Stay tuned for Queen’s Sex Talk Realness: Contraceptives next Tuesday! If you are interested in participating in future Sex Talks, please contact me at rachel.day88@hotmail.com! Be sure to like our Facebook page for updates.