According to the internet, my “healing era” is supposed to be aesthetic. If you search for healing online, it’s all Pilates, matcha and affirmation guides. With the destigmatization of mental health, Gen Z has become “therapised” through effects that are most evident on Tiktok.
The media has long romanticized the beauty in suffering, something I’ve always seen as a collective coping mechanism, though it’s not all bad! It’s comforting to find meaning in pain, and this mindset has led to vulnerable art, open conversations and communities for people in need. Despite these positive results, this way of thinking has fuelled harmful cycles. If it’s aesthetic to suffer and not get better why not stay there? So in theory, the idea of romanticizing and encouraging physical and mental healing is a very healthy one.
Am I healing Right?
Unfortunately somewhere along the way, the concept of healing got commercialized and aestheticized. The idea of “getting better” started to mean turning into someone unrecognizable (a shinier, idealized version of yourself) when healing should mean becoming yourself again. Healing becomes a product and brand over the messy tumultuous process it really is. This is a problem because it falsely fuels the idea that you aren’t healing “correctly”.
For instance, healing is hardly an “era”. Healing is handling the grief and trauma sneaking up on you years later in the grocery line. It’s saying no for the first time. It’s feeling lonely. It’s not about making the pain magically disappear, it’s about building a bigger life capable of holding the pain safely and discovering a personally tailored healthier life for your specific needs. Like the things we need to heal from, It’s not a one size fits all. Everyone has uniquely different experiences and perspectives. It takes time to figure out what works and what doesn’t. There is no overnight heatless curl routine for breaking deeply rooted habits.
All of this is to say there is nothing inherently wrong about using some glamourized methods to promote genuine healing. So yes, light the candle and do the journaling if it makes you feel good. There is no denying that there is beauty in healing but its not always a type of beauty you can see. That new glow starts from the inside and works its way out. Don’t prioritize looking like you’re healing over putting in the gritty work to truly heal. Real change is often uncomfortable and deeply unflattering.
My experience
Personally, during my hardest moments I opt to take a break from social media. The challenging parts of our lives were never meant to be broadcasted to the masses at all times. I always find that comparing myself to others is very ineffective and harmful, but there is something particularly cruel about comparing yourself in your lowest, most vulnerable state. There is no way to summarize the nuance of your own emotions in these times and there is no way a stranger with their own vast emotions and experiences can too.
Healing can have its rituals, but it doesn’t need its filters. It’s an ongoing process and it takes conscious effort. The most beautiful thing about healing is that no one else gets to define what it looks like for you.