Forever the Singles Table

For most of my teenage years, I was the single girl. There were only so many boys I could call, “the one that got away,” until I had to come to terms with the fact that I was always going to be just funny, or just for fun, or even friend-zoned, but never dateable. During my four years in high school I had my fair share of boy drama, but could never find someone with who I connected with. While all my friends were exploring relationships, I was the one who never had an official date for the dance. When I graduated, I cherished the friends and memories I had made, and optimistically looked to Queen’s to fill the hole in my love life. 

Coming into first year I was ready for a fresh start. I knew a lot of freshmen were taking a break from their relationships to explore, but I was tired of being single and was ready to meet someone. After about a month of looking for a relationship and being faced with the same boy problems, I gave up. For the first time in over four years of blaming the universe, my friends, and the entire male gender for my loneliness, I decided to look inward and question myself. I am not talking about blaming my insecurities, because I’ve been down that ruthless path before. I instead asked myself if I was really ready for a relationship, and I realized the answer was no. 

Photo by Hailey Rogers

As cliche as it sounds, I was not ready for anybody to love me because I did not love myself. As a child I loved princess movies, which turned into Nicholas Sparks movies in my teens. These romanticized ideals left me hoping and waiting for my prince to come solve all my problems and be the perfect partner. This was not only unrealistic but unfair, to expect another person to give their all to me, and fill a void in myself. Freshman year was a year of self-discovery for me. I dealt with my insecurities, set and achieved personal goals, and grew so much as a person that I barely recognized my immature high school self. Self-care and working on yourself are not the same for everyone. I’ll admit it was a tough process, but it was worth it; I went into that summer for the first time in my life completely okay with being single. The world works in mysterious ways because that summer I met the boy I have been dating for over a year now. While this is my first relationship, it is a mature one. I am not a half that he completes, instead, we are two complete individuals who choose to exchange love and time together.I am the greatest version of myself, so it does not feel like I am burdening him by filling a void in my life with our relationship, and vice versa. 

I wish I could tell my past self, who felt so eternally single, that self-discovery and independence were the keys to my happiness. While living away from home, in my first year at Queen’s I had to be okay being lonely. I stopped relying on others and only relied on myself. There were countless nights where all I could do was think about myself. I had no boy problems to concern myself with, so I analyzed, learned and grew, until slowly I began to love myself.  So whether you are single or in a relationship, I hope you can use my story as advice. It is only a few moments of sadness, for a lifetime of happiness and security because you will finally be enough.