The other day, I saw this quote on Instagram come up: Decide What Kind of Life You Actually Want, Then Say No to Everything That Isn’t That.
I immediately thought, “That is way easier said than done.” I did agree with it though – you have to say no to what is a distraction or a barrier to what you really want out of life. But then I kept thinking about how I didn’t know what kind of life I wanted yet, or at least I didn’t know the finer details of it. People always talk about the pursuit of happiness – the pursuit of a life lived so that in your final moments, you can think back and be content with it (what Aristotle called eudaimonia)– but happiness is made up of many different things, and it varies for each person. For some, happiness is money. For others, it is family and the pursuit of hobbies and passions. So, how do I know what I want to be in pursuit of for the rest of my life? There is so much out there that we haven’t yet experienced or been exposed to, so how can we know exactly what kind of life we want? The possibility of it all can feel suffocating, as it forces us to make a choice when there are so many other options to be had. How can we say a hard “no” to things when there is so much uncertainty and ambiguity?
I think the way I want to reframe the quote is to focus more on the present moment – think about what meets your needs now. What kind of life do you want now? Do you need to be saying “no” to other relationships, so that you can focus on yourself? Maybe you need to say no to a university degree, at least for a bit, so that you can focus on pursuing other adventures. Maybe it’s a no to what seems like a golden opportunity, all because that is not what you need right now.
For those that know me, I am always preaching the benefits of long-term planning and thinking – five-year plans, endless goal mapping. And I think that is important. But sometimes, especially when it comes to thinking about the abstract concept of what you want out of life, it sometimes helps to narrow in on the present moment, the right now. Why? Because the journey of life is always being reiterated. Happiness in our life is constantly being reinvented. Few people live the life they drew out for themselves in their adolescent years. Things change, we grow, and we all move on.
In choosing what you need now, based on your own circumstances, I strongly believe in the fact that it will all come together. In the process of making choices, there are consequences; the choices that you make afterwards are based on where your life is after that. Even if it seems like there is not a greater purpose towards what is happening, trust that there is. Trust that you are heading in the direction that you are meant to be heading (fate and destiny aside).
I don’t like to give concrete pieces of advice in these articles because I find that to be very cliché, especially in a type of article that talks about “how you should lead your life.” But I do want to say that it’s important to reflect on what you need in your life now, and to make decisions on that. Think about what people you want to surround yourself with right now. Think about what types of activities you want to be doing outside of school. Think about how you want to be spending your free time. Think about how you want to be managing and growing your relationships.
Make decisions – in the present moment – based on that. Watch it all come together in the way that is meant for you.
And that will make up the life that you will hopefully come to want and love.