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7 Foolproof Ways To Instantly Fit In At Queen’s

From childhood, we’re told to stray from the overpopulated path of conformity. Instead, we’re told to spread our intricate array of individualistic wings. And so we tend to shun all that is on par with our classmate kin, and subsequently try with all our might to build a foundation of minutiae.

Upon arrival at Queen’s, however, I quickly came to the realization that conformity is the new fab. It is infinitely cooler to wear the invisible cloak of sameness, as opposed to paving a path of discrepancies. I mean, it is quite impossible to swim against the grain when you’re being swarmed by a sea of Starbucks-worshipping woo girls! I’m not going to lie to you; I happen to enjoy a Blossoming Rose Tea Iced Latte with Rooibos tea, and rejoice at the drop of pumpkin-spice everything! Now, if you have read this far and still feel like you may not fully fit in, then stick around. I shall provide you with seven foolproof ways to instantly fit in at Queen’s!

Tip #1

Alright, to start us off, I’d like to begin by stating that Queen’s has a religion of its own. And in this religion we follow a set of seven rules. Don’t get it twisted: they’re not the seven deadly sins. However, those should be kept in mind in relation to our made-up religion. In the sea of tricolour, there coexists a myriad of boxes on wheels – a transport from point A to point B. Cars are a great creation – one that aids in the lazy endeavour of midnight snacking (I speak from personal experience). However. driving is quite the hassle, in due of our first rule of law: Cross thy roads blindly. To be a Queen’s student you must cross the streets with faith that every moving death-on-wheels will somehow miraculously come to a complete stop inches away from your bookbag. I mean, why wouldn’t they? We rule this town and thus deserve the respect of every civilian and transport vehicle. In following said rule, you are one step closer to our end goal.

Tip #2

CHA GHEILL! Wear thee colours of kings loudly and proudly. Rocking merch that represents anything dear to one’s heart is a form of utmost respect. So why would anyone proud choose not to wear the colours of our ancestors, representing triumphs over many schools since days of yore *cough Western cough.* Ergo, this rule, this law, this representation of all that is good and proud, is self explanatory. To officially become a member of the elite society of the high class Queen’s, one must and should swag out in blue, yellow and red! I usually don’t see colour, but tricolour runs through my veins, as it should yours! Thenceforth, conclusively, and in simple terms: pay a visit to the store of your choice and spend big bucks on tricolour merch for yourself, your parents, friends, siblings, cousins, extended family and dog. For what’s a few hundred bucks in the face of school pride? GoGaelsGo!

Tip #3

“You could get to Vic Hall to get some Lazy if you go down Uni Ave!” We live in a world of paved paths and easy ways out. In comparison to other places around the globe, we could say quite honestly that we’re well off. We need not dig wells for clean water, or hunt for a decent meal. Yet somehow we find it to be somewhat of an arduous task to complete a sentence without an abbreviation. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve succumbed to the apocalypse of abbreviation, and you have no idea the time it’s saved me! Heck, I could speak twice as quick now – thrice if I made little to no sense! Alas, you’ve got the mannerisms of a Gael, and rock the merch like no-one’s watching. All there’s left to do is adapt to the lingo. Now if you’re feeling a tad bit loco (har har), you may even create your own shortcut. In the words of the almighty: Fret not ’bout words of extensive quality.

Tip #4

Drink thee liquid of emerald and hath power bestowed upon thee. Starbucks, the temple of worship, is so conveniently placed, a mere 10-minute walk from the center of the homeland: the JDUC. So, how could any rational being resist picking up a grande destresser with a shot of pure happiness on the way to the 8:30 class of Torture 111? It is impossible to resist, a mission to say no to, and quite frankly it’s straight up blasphemy to simply walk by Starbucks and disregard the driving need for worship. Ergo, bless your tiresome day with a little Starbucks pick-me-up, and fret not about the hefty worries layed meticulously upon your shoulders. For with each sip of heavenly goodness, you shall feel the tingling sensation of ebbed worry, and the lift of the mountain from off your shoulders. With each sip you’ll have grown an inch closer to becoming a true and passionate Gael! I shall end this rule with a few words of wisdom: A Starbucks a day keeps the worry at bay!

Tip #5

There exists a daunting sound that quakes bones, curdles blood and mortifies students. A sound that marks the end of all that is good and paves a path of suffocating nightmare. The sound: that terrifying squeal that is the infamous alarm. It whispers guilt and promises fright, trying to get us to go to class with all it’s might. However, as renowned Queen’s students, it is our civil duty to make room for other students by not showing up. Real talk, if every single student went to class, every seat would subsequently be taken. Ergo, care for thy neighbour and room let there be. Skipping class, although a toxic habit, is one we’ve all fallen addict to. We all know that guy who only shows up once a month, and that girl that you only now noticed attends that lecture. Alas, skipping class is made to maintain sanity, but should be done so cautiously and scarcely. If, however, you become a hardcore addict, there are resources on campus that you may use, as well as support groups. Stay in school, kids!

Tip #6

Queen’s students are truly dedicated creatures. We haul through wind, rain, snow and every other form of PMS from mother nature to get to Stages or the party house of the night. And why not party after having spent all week contemplating going to class, and complaining about the stacks on stacks of work – old and new? We need an outlet, a way to let off steam. Although partying accompanies every university, Queen’s remains unique. Why? Because our parties start Wednesday night and carry on till the dawn of Sunday. Dance ’til thy feet bleed, and drink the numb in. In other terms, partying is no mere form of fun, it is our prayer – a requirement you must meet upon arriving – nay, applying to Queens. Therefore, party, and party hard.

Tip #7

We also happen to be controversial hypocrites. For we skip, we party and then we rush to Stauffer and spend hours on end cramming a boat-load of utter nonsense to pass the midterm we have the following day. I, however, think it to be breathtakingly beautiful – the sight of a body-filled Stauff. For at that moment, the moment of stress, panic and self-hatred, we all resort to our second temple, bow our heads together and in unison curse our luck. That luck being our incessant need to be lazy. But we students are never to blame. So procrastinate and skip and party and cry- then dry up your tears and come out to Stauffer to enjoy the biggest cram sesh sleepover ever! For you don’t simply study at Stauff for an hour or two, you move in. You will literally need an overnight bag filled to the brim with necessary goodies to get you through to the other side with as little scarring as possible. I say as little, for there will inevitably be marks of study torture. In addition, you’re never alone at Stauff because the same blood runs through all our veins. In final and poetic terms: Leave not thy fellow kings alone in panicked misery.

Alas this article has come to an end. I hope you find these tips to be of use, and find yourself fitting into the sweater of sameness snuggly. Regardless, you’re now and will forever be a Gael. Thus, wear your colours and shout your name – for it is of great honour to be part of this wonderful community. CHA GHEILL!

Susan Mokh

Queen's U '21

Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.
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