I had the best dad that any girl have asked for. He was supportive, loving and never gave up on me. As long as I can remember, my dad was so excited for the day that I would go to college. Whenever a family friend made their college decision, my dad would remind me that one day I would be doing the same. He could not wait to go on college tours, read my application essay and do everything that parents do when their child is picking a college. Though I told him how annoying and weird he was, deep down I was just as excited. As the years went on, my dad and I grew apart. We did not have a lot in common, and our conversations became fewer and fewer. That all changed when I was a sophomore in high school and I started thinking about colleges.
College became me and my dad’s thing. We loved talking about what schools I could get into and what schools I needed to work harder to get into. No matter what school I brought up, he was always supportive, even if that school was on the other side of the country. He just wanted me to be happy.
The winter of my junior year, my dad and I went on our first college road trip. At first I thought that spending six hours in a car with just my dad would be awkward, but it wasn’t. I found out that my dad and I had a lot more in common than I previously thought. We spent six hours laughing, joking and sometimes just sitting in silence listening to music. That will always be one of the best weekends of my life because I got to spend it with my dad.
As junior year drew to a close, I knew that senior year would be stressful. Picking a college would be hard but I was ok with it because I knew that I would have my dad by my side helping me with every step. Sadly, that was not the case. My dad had been suffering from cancer since I was in fourth grade, but I thought he was doing fine. As senior year began, it was clear my dad’s health was only going downhill and that there was no real possibility of it improving. I had to accept that it was very likely that my dad would not see me graduate, let alone start college. My dad died on December 2nd, 2015 at around 6:30 in the morning. I am so grateful that before he died I got my first acceptance letter. Even though he was not aware of his surroundings when I told him, I still know he was proud of me.
Prom and graduation were hard without him there, but I knew that starting college would be even worse. College was our thing. He could not wait to send me off to college and watch me have the best four years of my life. The closer I got to move-in day, the more it set in that my dad was not going to be there to help me set up my room or walk around campus with me or attend family weekend.
As classes started, I found myself struggling with one class in particular: Biology. My dad devoted his life to biology and loved it as much as he loved his family. Struggling with the one class that my dad always helped me with is a constant reminder that he is no longer just a phone call away. I can no longer text him with a biology question in the hopes that he can talk me through it in a way that makes sense to me. It is horrible to no longer have someone I can call when school is tough, but I know that if I work hard enough I can do it. He believed in me and always told me that I can do whatever I put my mind to, so I am just going to listen to his advice and make him proud.
No matter how hard school gets, nothing compares to the sadness I felt when parents weekend finally rolled around. Everyone was so excited to finally see their parents after months apart, but I knew that only my mom would be getting out of the car. Do not get me wrong; my mom is amazing and I was so excited to see her but I would have given anything to see my dad step out of that car next to her. He would have loved parents weekend. He would have loved every single moment, from the football games to the post-game barbeques. A smile would have never left his face. Walking around campus was hard that weekend, seeing all the smiling students with their dads, and knowing how proud they must be of their kids. I still imagine what it would have been like showing my dad around Purdue’s campus and seeing what his face would have looked like. I really wish he could have been there to see it all, but I know he was there in spirit.
As the days go on, the sadness is no longer a constant cloud over my head. Now it comes in waves. There are moments where I am so happy and I don’t have a care in the world, but there are also moments when all I can think about is my dad. I know that being in college is never going to be easy without him, but I also know that as long as I try my hardest, he will be proud of me.
To all the juniors and seniors in high school, even though it is hard not to roll your eyes at your parents when all they want to do is talk about college, don’t. They are so proud of you and want to see you succeed. Please take advantage of the time you have with them before you graduate.
To all the students currently in college or who will be going off to college without one of your parents, you can do this. I believe in you. It will not always be easy but it is worth it. Whomever you are missing is proud of you, and are so excited to watch you succeed.