953.6 miles. That’s how far away I am from home. I thought that going that far away would make my small hometown of Acton, MA almost irrelevant to me while I was at college. I thought that no matter what happened while I was away, nothing would have any impact on me. I would go home for breaks and hear about everything that had happened while I was gone and react then. That place was no longer my home; Purdue was my new home. I was wrong.
I remember sitting in the library when I got the text about the first suicide. One of my best friends told me. She’s neighbors with the family of the kid. I was shocked. I had never met this kid before but I recognized his face when I saw it. I could not believe that a kid, only a grade younger than me, had taken his life. I saw the outpouring of love and support on social media and realized how big of an impact he had on so many people. While talking to my mom that day, I found out that one of my little sister’s best friends, basically a little sister to me, had also tried to commit suicide. I did not know what to say. I thank my lucky stars that she was not successful. This girl had been to my house millions of time and was always laughing and joking around. I would never have guessed that she was dealing with something that was much greater than her. I guess that’s what is so scary about depression: you never know who’s dealing with it.
I realized at that moment that I needed to change. I realized that not everyone who is always happy and smiling is okay. Everyone is dealing with something.
After that day, I knew I had to tell the people around me that I loved them and that I was there for them no matter what. For the first time ever, I told my sister I loved her. My sister and I always knew that we loved each other, but we never vocalized it. Whenever one of us said those words to each other it was in a joking manner or when one of us was trying to annoy the other. I knew that I had to tell her for real how much she meant to me. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so much to me that she knew that I needed her to be on this planet. Whether she knows it or not, she is my best friend and she cannot go anywhere.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am actually obsessed with my best friends. They are all amazing human beings who are going to change this world in beautiful ways. They all know that I love them and I tell them all the time how much I love and miss them. When those three words are constantly said, I believe they lose their meaning in a way. The week of the suicide visibly shook each of us. Everyone was sad and confused. I wanted my friends to know that no matter what they were going through, I would always be there to talk. I would do anything for them and I know that they would do anything for me. For the first time in a while, we all told each other how loved everyone was and how we all needed each other in our lives.
About a month after the first suicide, another boy in the same grade took his own life. Again, my hometown was full of sadness and despair. This boy meant so much to so many people and he was gone. Once again, I was shocked, and didn’t know what to say. It all felt like a dream. This was not supposed to be happening. For the second time, I told my friends how much I loved them and how much they meant to me, but this time it just did not feel like enough.
Telling my sister and my best friends how loved they are was easy, but what about the people who I did not know. I had always heard stories about how one act of kindness can completely turn around someone’s day. After witnessing all of the sadness that goes along with losing someone, I realized that no one should ever have to go through that. I realized that simple acts of kindness can go a long way and I vowed to myself that I would try harder to be a better person each and every day.
After the tragedies of the last couple months, I realized that my hometown will always be my hometown. It will never be irrelevant and I will still be deeply affected by what happens. There are so many people who still attend Acton-Boxborough that mean so much to me. I have shared some of my favorite memories with people in that school. When they are hurting, I hurt with them.
These past couple months have changed me. I wish more than anything, that it was any other event that had changed me. Anything other than the loss of two amazing people. I cannot change the past but I can change how I act in the future. That’s the truth for everyone. My piece of advice for anyone reading this is to hold the people you love tighter, and never stop showing them how much you love them.