How to Pick Yourself Back Up

We know the drill by now, don’t we?

The high. The falling apart. The crash. And now here we are again.

Whatever caused the falling apart: a break-up, a friend-break-up, work, class, just life in general, this is how it usually goes.

Sometimes it’s a mélange of clichés – old Taylor Swift music on repeat (honorary mention to Dear John), pint after pint of chocolate ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy is actual therapy in cold sweet form), midnight novel-length rants to best friends, downloading Tinder (although this one might be reserved for post break-up scenarios) and Facetiming your mom just to cry.

Other times, it can be ugly. It’s maddeningly silent screams at 4 am. It’s a strong urge to escape but not being able to move, and not having the courage to. It’s strangely finding comfort in this mess of a situation and losing all will to pick yourself up just to end up here again.

I am not an expert and I crash just as hard as you do. I wallow in it and write sad poems. I find a home in this void. But let me help you up, step-by-step.


1. Let Yourself Pour

I love the rain, I love watching the sky pour onto me, I love feeling it on me. Look up at the sky and pour, just like it does on a stormy night. Pour until you’ve got nothing left, until you’re absolutely numb and have “no tears left to cry”, as Ariana Grande would say. If you’re anything like me, this might take a while.

2. Write

Write a story as an escape. Write a sad poem. Write your feelings only to crumple it up and trash it. Just write and let it out, poetically or not (who knows, you might just end up with a masterpiece!) Not to be all Lara Jean, but I’d recommend writing a letter to whoever made you feel this way – to an ex, a friend, a family member – only to never send it to them. Write it for you, not them. Write it to trick yourself into un-bottling it up, whatever it is you’ve been wanting to say.

3. Find a “Rebound”

The term “rebound” literally means bouncing back after hitting a hard surface. Find something to rebound onto – and no, I don’t mean the guy from two semesters ago whose texts you’ve been ignoring. Invest your energy, everything you’re feeling right now, into a long-lost love, a hobby you no longer have time for – pick up that paintbrush or those running shoes or that book you never got a chance to read.

4. Surround Yourself with Love, Happiness, and Everything You DeserveSeek people who radiate everything you’re looking for. De-clutter your room. Make more time for friends/hobbies. Get rid of most sources of negativity in your life.

5. Let it Go.Suddenly you realize, you’re okay. It may have scarred but it doesn’t ache anymore. Getting to this step could take days, or weeks, or even months but you’ve made it and finally, you’re in the clear and on your feet again.