You’ve arrived so much sooner than expected. It seems like just yesterday, I was looking up my freshman year roommate on Instagram, a fresh-out-of-high-school girl nervous but also really excited for what college life held in store for me. I could be whoever I wanted. It was to be a fresh start, where I would work hard, play hard, and ultimately be the most successful and happy version of myself.
Or so I thought.
Freshman year brought a lot more changes and challenges than I was ready for. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend. I got blackout drunk for the first time, among making other questionable decisions. I received my first bad grade in a class, despite studying for hours and trying really, really hard to do well in all my classes. I was an Honors pre-med student, and the pre-med curriculum was really overwhelming for me; someone who, to put it bluntly, really sucks at math and science. I quit my first job at an on-campus publication because I didn’t know the campus well enough to write anything about it and I felt out of place. Most of my floor freshman year didn’t like me, so I didn’t really have many friends besides a few guys in the dorm next door I had met at the beginning of the year. But I promised myself I’d continue to try, try, try harder.
Sophomore year, I found the love of my life, which is my dance company. I didn’t have many friends freshman year, and it was awesome to be able to make new friends, laughs, and memories with a group of inclusive and friendly girls who love dance just as much as I do. I also experienced my first real heartbreak. My study skills and overall work ethic were improving, but I still had some troubles here and there. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I was sick for almost half of my sophomore year with a chest infection that was caused by constant stress and worrying.
Junior year, you have been both a blessing and a curse. You have both challenged and rewarded me. Through persistence, confidence, and encouragement, I’ve scored positions at three different campus publications that I love. It has taken me up until now to realize who I am and what I want to do. Junior year, you have given me that. Earlier this year, I dropped the pre-med component of my major. It added a lot of stress to my life. I wasn’t good at it, and frankly, I didn’t have a passion for it. I was only doing it to satisfy the wishes of others. The reality is that it’s not for me, and that is okay. Instead, I’d like to go to grad school to become a Clinical Psychologist, which is what I have actually wanted to do since I was 13. If I could continue writing on the side, that would be amazing.
Thank you for keeping me busy. Thank you for showing me what it is like to reach the very edge of the breaking point without actually pushing me over. Thank you for teaching me how to ask for help when I need it: from teachers, from friends, from my parents. Thank you for showing me that I am not weak in doing so, and that I have the right to ultimately decide what I am going to do in my lifetime. Thank you for giving me confidence and for giving me hope. It is now, at the end of my Junior year, when I realize that college is made for so much more than just opening a book and trying to memorize information for an exam. College is where you learn about yourself, more than anything else.
I am sad that you are ending soon, Junior year. It makes me nervous that in just one short year’s time, I will be graduating. But I know that I am prepared. I know that whatever happens next will be great, thanks to you.