With the new school year in full swing, I wanted to take some time and disclose to all the college vets as well as the “freshies” what I’ve learned from my bad experiences in college. So I’m sorry, I won’t be talking about the cookie cutter, sugar and rainbow parts of college. I’m going to talk about the difficult parts because the hard days are what help you grow the most. Don’t be fooled, I’m not here to tell you how to avoid these things from happening. I’m actually going to tell you that they will happen, and it will suck, but you will learn, and you will grow, and at the end of the four years you’ll be a confident, mature-ish, adult-like person you never imagined you’d be.
Feeling isolated in a social setting
There are going to be moments in college and probably in life (if there haven’t already) where you’re in a social setting where you feel so uncomfortable and so out of place you want to die. This feeling might be more common for introverts like myself but let me assure you, it’s universal. My wise 22-year old advice is to NOT RUN AWAY despite how much you might want to. If you’re not being harmed or feel like you’re in danger, stay. Maybe go to the bathroom and take a breather but stay. You never know what will come out of it. The most vivid example I have of this was when I was in London last semester. I lived in a flat with five girls. Three of them were from Siena college in New York and several people in our building were also from Siena, so those three knew almost everyone while my other two flatmates and I knew no one. The Siena girls invited us l down to the boys’ flat to hang out before going to Chinatown for Chinese New Year festivities. They introduced us to the boys and then they all proceeded to talk about things and people we were unfamiliar with, play drinking games without inviting us to join, and just basically ignored us. I wanted to leave so badly and was about to when more people from Siena arrived about 30 minutes after. I introduced myself to them and they actually engaged with me. I really clicked with two of them who I’ll call Nate and Sarah. Sarah and I talked about TV shows we liked and I found out she went to the same church as me in London. Nate was hilarious and told me about his travel experiences so far. I mainly stayed around them for the remainder of the night and I had a blast.
Feeling Like you know nothing
Feeling like your brain is useless in class or while taking a test will happen. It has happened a fair share of times for me, especially in Spanish and Math (which might as well be a different language). For math, I was in my teacher’s office hours every day. And I mean it, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I had to be. If you suck at a subject, the professor, TA, and group tutoring instructors, need to be your best friends. If you try and actually put time into those subjects you’re struggling with instead of avoiding them and hoping for the best, you’ll actually improve. It might take baby steps and you might fail a few more tests. You’ll definitely be frustrated, tired, and angry with yourself for coming up short but by the end of the semester something amazing will happen. You’ll pass, if only by a hair. I earned a D in math, and that was just barely a passing grade for my communication degree. A miracle? Yes. A result of my hard work? Also yes. I could have easily gotten an F. If you don’t pass, that’s what summer classes are for, and I GUARANTEE you, you will pass on your second try. Plus it’s not the end of the world to take summer classes in college. It’s actually encouraged and there’s a chance you might get to graduate early. And you know everyone is all about saving that money.
Feeling like the most unqualified person in the room
In college you will need to be professional sometimes. And by professional, I mean interview for things. I’m talking interviewing for campus jobs, interviewing for internships, interviewing for legitimate jobs after college and interviewing for positions in clubs and organizations. Sometimes you’ll be stuck in a room with people for an hour trying to convince them you’re worthy of the position they’re offering, but sometimes you’ll only have a mere 2 minutes to prove yourself to employers. Group interviews are also sometimes a thing and spoiler alert: they suck. I have never felt more unqualified in my life than when participating in a group interview during recruitment for a new sorority colonizing on our campus. The girls interviewing with me talked about how they read to kids during the week, volunteered at nursing homes on the weekend, helped organize Relay For Life and were voted the captain of their intramural team. Meanwhile, I talked about how I was a staff writer at the school paper (the lowest position) and volunteered with my church occasionally. The girls surrounding me seemed so confident and successful and here I was making minimal eye contact and fumbling with my words. When I could get a few words out, they were extremely unimpressive. As you can imagine, I was not accepted into that sorority but it was for the best. I learned that it wasn’t really for me anyways. I also learned that you should practice for interviews beforehand and utilize your schools career opportunities center to get interviewing tips and have your resume and cover letters looked over.
Feeling lonely
I’m a senior this year which is still so crazy to me. It literally seems like just yesterday I was scared out of my mind, going to a place where I knew literally two people: my Roommate who I met on Facebook then briefly met in person at orientation, and a girl I went to middle school with. Going to a school where you know virtually no one can be hard, trust me. I’ll never forget standing on the steps of Harrison, watching my mom walk away while biting my lip, trying to hold the tears back. I have never experienced loneliness like I have in college. The worst part is, everyone else seems just fine. Everyone always seems to be adjusting to college better than you are. But I promise they’re not. It’s just that no one’s talking about it. I feel like loneliness is something that people feel nervous talking about, possibly because you feel embarrassed about it or feel like you don’t have any friends. I’ve definitely experienced going to the dining courts alone or going to church alone. Crowds seem to make your alone-ness feel that much more apparent. The first time I ever heard anyone actually talk about feeling lonely was when I was in London. I was at a Mexican restaurant with some people from a small group who were mostly international students like me studying abroad. They shared their stories of feeling so alone in such a large city and I felt less alone just by knowing I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Luckily, my BGR group made me feel less alone and I’m friends with some of them still today. I feel so lucky now to have such great friends that make sure I never feel alone.