Is a boy (or girl) stopping you from being your best self? Maybe your love language is being a gentle soul, and theirs is sucking it out of you.
Or maybe you both just aren’t right for each other and speak two different languages (emotionally).
That’s it. That’s the entire article.
I wish. But it’s so much more than that.
Whether it’s friendships, relationships or even the people we casually surround ourselves with, we tend to assume that other people experience connection in the same way we do. We expect people to know what makes us feel cared for, included, wanted or appreciated without ever actually telling them.
And then, we get upset when they don’t.
Your idea of comfort or friendship may be completely different from someone else’s. Maybe you need constant communication to feel close to someone, while your friend can go three weeks without talking to you and still consider you one of their closest friends. Maybe you want someone to ask you what’s wrong, while they think giving you space is the kindest thing they can do. Neither person necessarily cares less. You might just be speaking completely different languages.
I’m unfortunately way too guilty of this. Leaving any social situation where I feel remotely awkward is a vice of mine. In my head, I’m protecting my peace. Why would I stay somewhere I’m uncomfortable?
But sometimes, “protecting your peace” is just a prettier way of saying you’re avoiding discomfort.
There is a certain amount of discomfort involved in building your village. You have to be the person who starts the conversation sometimes. You have to risk going for someone that you like. You have to tell people what bothers you instead of silently deciding that if they really cared, they would already know. And occasionally, you have to give people enough time to understand you before deciding they never will.
At the same time, there is a line.
There is only so much explaining you can do. Communication can fix misunderstandings, but it cannot manufacture compatibility. If you repeatedly tell someone what you need, and they repeatedly show you that they either can’t or don’t want to give it to you, eventually you have to believe them.
I think that’s where “protect your peace” actually matters.
Protecting your peace doesn’t mean leaving every situation that makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes discomfort is how strangers become friends, how friendships become deeper and how you learn how another person wants to be loved. But protecting your peace also doesn’t mean endlessly translating yourself for someone committed to misunderstanding you.
You can never surround yourself with people who naturally speak the same language as you, but you can always try to learn theirs while they’re learning yours.