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Sex + Relationships

What I Wish I Could Say To My Friend In A Toxic Relationship

Dear friend, 

I want to start this letter by saying how much I care about you and your well-being, your health and your happiness. I know you’ve probably heard this before, but you deserve someone who gives you the world and who makes you their world. It makes me sad to see you in a relationship where you aren’t being treated how you should be. I know it’s hard because you think you love him, but I wish you could see how unhealthy your relationship is and how happy you could be if you just let go of what you think you want. 

If you’re holding on to the wrong person, you’ll never allow yourself to be open to the possibility of someone who treats you well. I know it’s hard because it’s what you’re used to and what you’ve known for so long, but stepping out of your comfort zone may open you up to new possibilities. Just know that it’s ok to be single and figure out what you really want. You have to love yourself first before you can expect anyone else to. 

Depending on someone else for your happiness isn’t healthy. I think we’ve all experienced someone who’s had such an effect on us that, without even meaning to, we let them control our mood and happiness. It’s easier said than done, but when someone is your source of happiness and can control your mood that easily, it may be a sign that it’s unhealthy. Your happiness should come from within and no one should be able to have that much power over you.

It’s healthy to be around other people and not just your significant other 24/7. As a couple, you should be around other couples and in the presence of other people. It’s important that being a couple isn’t what defines you, but something that’s another great part of you. You need to learn how to be defined as your own person without someone else. 

“The way you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” It can’t be put much simpler than that. What you allow and what you tolerate tells others how they’re allowed to treat you. The more you overlook someone’s wrongdoings and take them back, the more you’re teaching them that it’s ok to treat you in such a way and that you’ll continue to take them back. Don’t be manipulated or played! Know your limits and know when enough is enough. 

You’ll find someone someday that doesn’t make you feel like the “crazy” girl or the girl that always has a gut feeling that something’s off. A lot of girls are considered “crazy.” We stalk boys and always have ways of knowing things and finding things out, but when you find the right person, you won’t have to be “crazy.” You won’t have to question their whereabouts, check their phone, or worry about what they’re doing. Trust is something that’s tough in a lot of relationships, but it’s the basis of a good relationship – that, and communication. The right person won’t give you any reasons not to trust them. 

I hope that one day you have the courage and self-respect to see that you deserve someone who always puts you first. Someone who has nothing but the best intentions towards you. It’s hard to walk away from something you’re so used to, but I know that once you’re able to, you’ll find strength you never even knew you had within you. Once you’re able to finally move on from the toxicity, you’ll be able to look back and ask yourself what you ever saw in that person. It’s easier said than done to break the cycle, but I’ll be there for you every step of the way. You owe it to yourself to not let anyone undeserving of your time stay in your life. Who knows, maybe letting go and moving on will lead you to someone great. 



A concerned and hopeful friend ♡ 

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