Chances are, if you’re in college you have lived with at least one roommate that’s messier than you like. You’ve got tons of school work to do and on top of it, you’re overwhelmed by the explosive messes that your roommate leaves around your apartment or dorm. You think to yourself, “How do they live like this?” Or maybe even worse, they don’t notice the mess or think anything of it. If you’re a “neat freak” or just want your apartment to be more presentable than a frat house, here’s some steps you can take to clean up the mess:
1. Communicate
You don’t have to be confrontational, but vocalize your needs. Whether you have to share a bedroom with the person or only share communal spaces, there should be compromise. Neither party should be completely dominant over the state of cleanliness. If you prefer the common areas to be pristinely clean, talk to your roommate about it. Maybe they don’t realize that their stack of dishes or spilled soup on the stove bother you. They might have different cleanliness standards than you, and the only way to reach a solution is to talk about it. But whatever you do, try to avoid angry rampages that could negatively impact your communication channel. It’s difficult to maintain a healthy level of communication with a roommate that only expresses their feelings through anger. Try to calmly talk to your roommate about the things that bother you, because then they will see that you are willing to compromise and hear their side as well.
2. Pick Your Battles
Try to pick the best times or situations to speak up about your concerns. Whether you are friends with your roommate or not, try to put yourself in their shoes and look at the cause of the messes. Maybe they are typically clean, but are more overwhelmed with their workload than usual. Try giving gentle reminders or suggestions to help them out. Even if you are furious with the mess, try to stay cool and take their feelings into account even if you aren’t particularly fond of that person.
Choose the optimum times to talk about the messes. Maybe your roommate just threw an unapproved party in your apartment when you were gone for the weekend. You get back, and are disgusted by the mess. Wait until the next morning and if they leave the house without cleaning the communal areas, give them a reminder that the mess is impacting your life. You want to make breakfast but the sink is clogged and there are beer cans and trash spewed across the kitchen. Send them some pictures of the mess and say that you are just are reminding them to clean it because you want to use that space as well. They may have just forgotten to clean it (we are in college you can’t expect perfection), but you do deserve respect. Try to be as objective and friendly about your concerns as possible so they don’t feel like you are attacking them.
3. Alternate Chores
So maybe you roommate has forgotten that they are supposed to clean and not leave everything to you. You find yourself taking out the trash constantly and cleaning up after your roommate for the sake of cleanliness. They just become used to coming home to a clean apartment and forget that they have duties as well. Suggest alternating chores like taking turns taking out the trash or cleaning a bathroom. As long as it seems like the mess is from both of you, taking turns is an objective and easy way to distribute the chores.
4. Use A Mediator
Maybe you and your roommate are past the point of no return. Neither of you are communicating with each other effectively. Your roommate is ignoring your concerns and doing as they please and your frustration is mounting. Find someone to mediate your conversations and concerns. Maybe you have a third roommate or a mutual friend that could see both of your perspectives without bias. Have that person mediate, and maybe your messy roommate will begin to see that you aren’t trying to be mean by voicing your concerns. They may begin to see that a compromise is achievable and you might see their side of the story as well. This is a good way to learn about each other and find a way to end the war and make peace with each other and your differing habits.
5. Find Inner Peace
Find peace with yourself. The worst thing you can do is stress about things that you can’t change. Maybe you tried all of these tips, but you’re still at war with your roommate. He/She is more stubborn and unreachable than you could have ever predicted. Keep what you can clean and carry on. Don’t choose to live with that person again, even if you are good friends. Ignore what you can of the mess and arguments for your own sanity.