As the temperatures finally begin to drop, and leaves begin to fall, we find ourselves pulling out our sweaters and turning on an iconic fall favorite show: “Gilmore Girls.”
While “Gilmore Girls” is often celebrated as a show about family, friendship, witty pop culture references and raging caffeine addictions, it also subtly dissects what happens when perfection becomes identity, especially through Rory’s transformation from prodigy to burnout.
Beneath the show’s cozy aesthetic lies a much deeper narrative: one centered on generational trauma, unrealistic expectations and the quiet mental collapse that comes with over-performance and burnout.
In many aspects, Rory Gilmore is a celebrity in her small town. She is someone to be revered and admired, and by most accounts, she is. Not only does Rory excel in school, making straight A’s and becoming the valedictorian of her very prestigious high school, but she is also adored by nearly everyone around her. Yet, these achievements by Rory are less the result of genuine passion than they are the product of expectation.
Rory’s mother, Lorelai Gilmore, tries to play the cool mom persona. More so, we watch her subconsciously project her own ambitions onto her daughter.
Lorelai grew up under the looming, highly critical eyes of Emily and Richard Gilmore. Lorelai felt trapped and overwhelmed with the expectations of her parents, and needed to escape those pressures. When Lorelai got had her daughter Rory at 16, she ran away from home, vowing to do the opposite of her parents when it comes to parenting.
Lorelai hoped to treat her daughter more as a friend, and not someone she could mold to her own whim. Ironically, in her attempt to give Rory the freedom she never had, she ends up imposing a new form of pressure: the expectation that Rory should and will achieve everything that she herself couldn’t.
From an early age, Rory saw her path set for her. Lorelai envisioned Harvard and a successful career for her daughter in journalism to be the ideal career that Rory should be expected to conform to. Determined to give Rory every opportunity she could, Lorelai enrolls her at elite private school ‘Chilton,’ rekindling ties with her own parents in order to afford it.
That choice, well-intentioned but heavy-handed, becomes the unsuspecting spark of Rory’s burnout.
Rory was always pushed to achieve the most. While her mother aimed to alter the ways in which she brought up her daughter from the mechanisms of her parents, she still pushed the ideas of a “prestigious” education and lifestyle onto her daughter, even without necessarily meaning to.
While going to Chilton, Rory entered a world of constant competition. All of the students there are high achievers and hyper-focused on achieving the best the school could offer them. This is a stark contrast to the competition, or lack thereof, that Rory faced at her old small town public school.
Growing up in a small town, “Gilmore Girls” really embraced the idea of being raised by a village. We see both Gilmore girls strongly adored and almost idolized due to their wit, looks and character by essentially the entire eccentric community of Stars Hollow. This collective adoration reinforces Rory’s image as exceptional and blameless, even when she falters. Everyone in Rory’s small world treats her as someone destined for greatness, which feeds into her own perfectionist mindset.
While at Chilton, Rory finds herself at odds with her peers and even teachers at certain points due to the challenging nature of adapting to such a rigorous academy.
Though she initially struggles, Rory eventually adapts. She works hard to excel academically and even becomes valedictorian. Yet, this success comes at a cost. Rory sacrifices much of her personal growth and enjoyment in the process, spending long nights studying and choosing academics over social experiences. Her achievements are impressive, but they also seem hollow, driven by obligation rather than curiosity or joy.
Rory essentially worked non-stop, and while she still found some time to have fun, we ultimately saw her pushing away opportunities for growth such as social events or volunteering to go study for her overly-intense classes instead.
Rory’s focus on school is also something the showwriters aim to contrast with her foil character: Paris Geller. Paris is an overambitious, arrogant and unapologetically hardworking student at Chilton who serves as Rory’s main academic competition. Paris pushes herself for her goals, volunteering in her free time and studying constantly, all the while picking up as many leadership roles as she can manage.
In school, Rory is generally able to skate by as a relatively likeable, kind and soft-spoken girl. While she has academic resilience, she doesn’t have the same drive that one would expect for a character who is aiming to attend a top Ivy League university.
We don’t see Rory volunteering, actively chasing positions in school clubs, or aiming to make connections while in school. Perhaps this is more so due to her character conforming to an expectation set for her rather than an actual goal. As a character, Rory is quiet, meek and introverted. While these aren’t traits that bar you from a successful career, we don’t really see Rory ever push herself to do anything more than what is expected for her.
However, despite this, Rory is able to make valedictorian and is accepted into Harvard, her original dream school, over Paris.
Many watchers have agreed that this aspect of the show is completely unrealistic, as Paris should have received these honors over Rory with her academic drive. This imbalance underscores a key theme in the series: Rory’s pedestal exists not because of her exceptional drive, but because of the world’s, and more so her small town’s idealization of her.
When Rory later attends Yale, she begins to realize she’s no longer the smartest or most talented person in the room. For the first time, her identity as the “golden girl” falters. Mitchum Huntzberger’s brutal yet honest critique, that Rory lacks the instinct and boldness needed to make it in journalism, becomes the moment that her façade begins to crack.
Rory’s subsequent breakdown, which results in her dropping out of Yale and moving in with her grandparents, is not an impulsive decision, but more the logical endpoint of years of seeking external validation and unrelenting pressure between her peers and her family.
School and learning ultimately should be something that you enjoy. Rory loved to read, and adored writing. This is why she overexerted herself in studying complicated math problems and pouring over history on obscure subjects in a way that stunts her character. It felt more like a need to prove herself rather than actually wanting to learn about such subjects.
For Rory, success stops feeling like something she’s achieving and starts feeling more like something she’s maintaining. Every “A” becomes less of a victory and more of a requirement to preserve her image as the perfect Gilmore.
Ultimately, Rory’s character would have been one content with writing a novel or working in a book store or even a publishing house. However, instead of actually chasing what she is passionate about, she continues to follow the path that was set out for her as a child.
While Rory’s burnout can seem scary and unmotivating to many watchers who once found themselves relating to the show’s central character, it is also completely realistic. Her burnout feels deeply human, and in many ways is relatable.
You cannot constantly push yourself to achieve an “idea” of something, this being an Ivy League education for Rory’s character. While academia is important and should be cherished, you should also have a life outside of it, which is somewhere that Rory falters.
Rory’s story reminds us that achievement without self-understanding is fragile, and that even the most gifted among us can lose ourselves chasing someone else’s idea of success.