Once upon a time, I was a wild freshman. Almost every Friday and Saturday, I would glue on my lashes, find my cutest crop top or bodysuit, and find somewhere to party at. I always seemed to have some kind of story to tell the next morning. For example, I went to this apartment during Halloweekend my freshman year, and this guy came up to me and asked me about my costume, which was Moana. Then, he started talking about how alcohol at the party sucked, considering there was only Natty Light.
“Yeah, it does kinda suck,” I said.
“I have better alcohol. We should go back to my apartment and get some,” the guy said.
Hold it right there, sailor. That was a complete 180 turn from the conversation we were just having. It’s probably not very hard to guess what his motivation was in asking me that question. Of course, I did not want to go to some random person’s apartment. More importantly, there was a specific reason why I didn’t want to go. Therefore, I only had to say five words to get out of this:
“Sorry, I have a boyfriend.”
It took a few more tries to shoo him away. He tried to tell me we could just hang out as friends, which was 100% a lie. I just kept saying no, and eventually I just awkwardly walked away and rejoined my friends.
The excuse that I made was true: I do actually have a boyfriend of about two and a half years. It’s a constant struggle to have to shoo guys away, and especially in college when all boys want to do is flirt and hook up. Many people who are in committed relationships understand the desire to stay loyal to their partner. Here are some things to remember when giving certain people a hard “no.”
Don’t let it be the first words that come out of your mouth
“Hi, how are y-”
“I have a boyfriend!!”
Hey, maybe some people are just friendly. There is no harm in making small talk with a guy or girl at a party. Perhaps you’ll make a new friend. However, if the situation is making you uncomfortable, you have every right to remove yourself. Use your best judgement, collegiettes.
However, it doesn’t hurt to throw in a hint
For example, let’s say you’re having a conversation with someone and it’s more than obvious that they’re flirting with you. You don’t want to randomly blurt out, “I have a boyfriend!!” In this case, subtly mention it. Fabricate it into the conversation.
Let’s say this person says, “I like your shirt.”
You could say, “Thanks! I like yours, too. You know, I got my boyfriend one just like it for his birthday.”
Yikes, I feel sorry for the made-up person in that scenario. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?
It will be challenging in long-term situations
When people say that if you have a boyfriend, you’re not allowed to have guy friends, they are absolutely wrong. It’s just a little difficult when this friend has feelings for you that are more than friends. These are the tougher ones to deal with because it’s not as easy as telling some random guy that you have a boyfriend and sending them on their merry way.
My freshman year, I had a guy friend that I met in one of my classes. I actually didn’t know he was in my class until he ran into me on the bus. The White Loop was almost empty, and he chose to sit next to me out of all the empty seats on the bus. We started talking and he said he knew me from one of my classes. One could argue he was just being nice, but I could just tell he was flirting. However, I let it go, got off the bus, and told him I would look for him in class.
I did end up finding him in class, and he was very nice and easy to talk to. We even met up outside of class to do homework. In my mind we were just friends, but I could easily tell he liked me more than that. I knew I had to find a way to break the news. Without planning it, I found a way to tell him.
My boyfriend was sending me a bunch of pictures of a project he was working on, so my text tone was going off for a good 30 seconds. He said, “Wow, someone sure is blowing up your phone.”
Unplanned, it just came out, “Yeah, it’s probably just my boyfriend.”
Things completely changed after that. He wasn’t as nice to me as he was before. We stopped hanging out. After that class was over, we didn’t even really speak that much anymore. It really upset me, because I thought we had a good friendship going. On the other hand, he could have remained the same way he was before, but he chose otherwise.
Even though I lost a friend, it’s not as important as my relationship with my boyfriend. In long-term situations, it’s up to the guy or girl to decide whether or not they can put their romantic feelings aside and keep a friendship.
No one-night-stand is worth losing your favorite cuddle buddy over. Through all the funny and sad stories, there’s always a special guy or girl that has your back through thick and thin.