The Stages Of The Bachelor

There is nothing else I love more than Monday nights. It’s the time when I get to put on my pajamas, grab a lot of food, lay on my couch and watch a bunch of girls fight over one man.

“The Bachelor” franchise has taken over America for almost 20 years. Yes, my favorite Monday night activity is watching 30 girls vie for one guy’s attention in hopes of getting engaged in the end. It’s dramatic. It’s funny. It’s a little sad at times. It’s a great way to lose some brain cells.

Here’s how it usually goes down...well, I’ll actually let Spongebob tell you.

 

1. On the first night, all of the girls come out of the limo to meet him like:

“Ah!!! He’s so cute!!” They say. Everytime. Without fail.  

 

2. Throughout the night, most of them speak to him one-on-one. Some of them interrupt the other girls’ conversations with him like:

“Hi, can I steal you for a second?” *claws come out*.  

 

3. He gives one girl the “first impression rose,” which means he has taken a particular liking to her:

“Will you accept this rose?”

 

4. After the first night, some girls get a one-on-one date, and the other girls get a little jealous. They watch her go off on her date from the mansion like:

Then, they whine the whole day about how they wish they were on the date.

 

5. Then there’s the group dates. That’s when they really vie for his attention. Seriously, they are willing to do (or eat) anything to impress him.

I once saw a girl chug goat milk on a group date. Honestly, if my man can’t accept my picky eating habits, then he should move on.

 

6. A few weeks in, there are girls that have genuine connections with him

*Cough* *cough* Cassie.

 

7. Then, there are some girls who are intimidated by the strong connections, so they trash talk the others to him.

Just send them home. No one has time for that.

 

8. A few more weeks in, things start getting serious. Some of the girls even start saying…*gasp*...the “L” word.

It’s the perfect place to fall in love.

 

9. There are only four girls left. You know what that means? Time to meet the families!

Somehow, they’re all okay with their daughters sharing this man with three other girls.

 

10. Then, there’s the tragedy of getting sent home after hometowns

Just blame it on your family.

 

11. The week after that is a live show called “The Women Tell All,” where the bachelor gets to see, once again, all the women he sent home. Some he remembers, but for half of them he’s probably like:

Then, they yell at each other as if they’re all still dating him.

 

12. Finally, it’s the final two! This is where we see how it all ends. One girl gets a devastating rejection.

 

13. While the other girl gets engaged!

They all live happily ever after.  

Happy bachelor watching, collegiettes!