We’re taught that, in romance, “playing hard to get” is the best way to land a second date. But what does that mean exactly? And, more importantly, what is it meant to accomplish?
Playing hard to get is the primary tactic in the ancient text of dating. It existed long before our generation, and it’s likely to last long after. And that’s because it works.
Acting intentionally disinterested in someone has a reverse effect on the way they feel about you. Silence speaks louder than words in the sense that not receiving a text from someone makes you think about them more than reading one might.
Similarly, distance makes the heart grow fonder because having someone around all the time makes you take them for granted.
There are many reasons why this idea exists. But how can you perfectly play hard to get without pushing someone away?
We all want what we can’t have. So, giving someone the illusion that they can’t have you may just make them want you more. But it’s not foolproof, and it’s also not a sure fix to the unpredictable nature of attraction.
Playing hard to get teeters on the thin line between innocent flirtation and just plain playing games. It’s important to be honest and clear about your intentions and feelings. That’s the best way to establish a healthy foundation for a good relationship.
But playing hard to get doesn’t have to mean playing hard to love. It’s important to be careful who you open up to, but it’s equally important and attractive to be vulnerable and open about how you feel.
This goes for platonic friendships, too.
I am a person who loves easily. I tend to open my heart to anyone and everyone in my life. I hardly say no to making plans, and I text back the moment I receive a message.
And these are good traits to have. Being a good friend means showing up for people. It means making each other feel wanted and respected at all times.
But sometimes, giving this energy to the wrong person leaves you with an exposed heart and an empty bucket.
Someone told me recently that I should make it harder for people to get close to me, because letting everyone in without a toll puts my heart at risk. This is the kind of playing hard to get that protects your heart.
It’s difficult to be sure of the correct way to go about love and relationships. Maybe there is no right way. Everyone loves differently. It’s easy to get to know people and for people to get to know you, if you let them.
Playing hard to get doesn’t have to mean pretending to be disinterested. It doesn’t have to be a game. Maybe we shouldn’t be playing hard to get; maybe we should just be hard to get.
Don’t overshare to fill an awkward silence, and don’t double-text an average-looking frat guy. Next time you meet someone who might be the love of your life, make them prove it.
Being hard to get is about recognizing your worth. It’s about saving your time and energy and designating this time and energy to the people who deserve it.
Your love isn’t free, so make it hard to get.