This article contains mentions of sexual assault. Proceed with caution.
Consent is an important topic because many schools don’t teach it. Abstinence-only programs are far too common in high schools across the United States.
I grew up in a small town with an abstinence-only program. This ineffective program taught me nothing about sexual wellness or consent. I found myself entering college with limited knowledge because I didn’t receive a proper education and was educated by the web.
Comprehensive sex education programs should be taught in every school. It’s important to spread awareness about topics like consent, which is one of the most important concepts to learn.
FRIES (freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific) is one of the most effective models to follow when it comes to consent.
When reviewing consent, it’s important to make sure that both you and the other person are comfortable throughout the process. Ask each other each step of the way to be sure you’re both comfortable. You wouldn’t want someone to proceed without your consent, so don’t proceed without their consent.
Assuming someone is comfortable with an action is an ineffective approach.
Furthermore, intoxicated, sleeping and unconscious people cannot give consent. If you proceed with your actions and end up reported, don’t blame them. You’re the perpetrator.
Thinking about your actions before proceeding with them is incredibly important. Please don’t assume someone is going to go along with an action because they said “yes” the first time. You don’t know how far they want to go, so ask to be certain. You don’t want to risk being reported for proceeding with an action they didn’t want to go through with.
If you see a girl at a party and notice she’s drunk, you think maybe she would be easy, maybe she would be willing to play along, maybe you should buy her one more drink to be sure.
Pause a moment and consider how you would feel in that situation. Would you want to be coerced into sex with someone after having one too many drinks? No? No.
If you wouldn’t want it done to you, don’t do it to them.
Imagine you’re spending the night at your partner’s apartment for the first time. You’re in bed with them, falling asleep. They begin to take action to wake you up and manipulate you into having sex with them. You comply even though you don’t want to. Well, that is rape. That doesn’t follow the concept of FRIES.
You weren’t informed. You weren’t enthusiastic. You wanted to sleep. You didn’t give consent.
Consent is more than just saying “yes.” Keep yourself informed.
Consent is FRIES.
It’s freely given.
It’s reverable.
It’s informed.
It’s enthusiastic.
It’s specific.
If a girl says “yes” to a kiss and wishes to stop in the middle of your session, stop. If she says she doesn’t want to go further, believe her. Don’t go further. It doesn’t matter how bad you want it because making someone uncomfortable isn’t worth the repercussions.
Please respect decisions regarding consent.