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Sex + Relationships

An Open Letter to Anyone Who’s Been Dumped

To anyone who has been dumped,

A good friend once told me: "At some point in life, everyone has dumped someone, and everyone has been dumped." If your ex decided to end your relationship, it's okay. Everyone has been dumped at some point, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You found someone you loved, you trusted and you lived it. What more could you ask of yourself?

This moment is about you. Losing an important person in your life is like losing a part of yourself. This person was more than a friend, it was someone you loved, you confided in and shared amazing memories with. Of course, you are upset that it ended - I would be concerned if you weren't, but right now you need to learn how to move on and rediscover who you are without this part of you. Before this person entered your life, you lived and did so happily. And without them, you will live again. It may take a day, a week, a month or even a year, but you will be happy again. Until you heal, focus on yourself. If you want to cry, cry! If you want a burger at midnight, order your burger! If you want to talk to friends about it, do it! Do anything that will make this difficult time a little better. Live day by day and time will take care of things.

At first, you will be upset. You will cry. You will relive moments in your head so many times. But one morning you will wake up a little better. You will go to classes, hang out with your friends and when you come home at the end of the day, you will realize that for the first time, you didn't cry. You made it through the day without one tear in your eyes. This will make you feel even better. There will be one morning when you wake up and realize that you didn't think about it the day before. You simply lived. Until one day, you will be happy again. The thought of your ex and what you lived through together won't be on your mind, because you rediscovered what it's like to be happy by yourself.

Before this day comes, you will probably stay up at night wondering if there was something you could have done, wondering if you could have done things differently, if it would have turned out different. But if you were different, in any way, you wouldn't be yourself. And believe me, you are amazing the way you are. If your ex couldn't see all your qualities and appreciate everything you have done, then honey, they are not the person for you. If they were, they never would have left and given up on what you had. It's not because they didn't love you. At some point, I'm sure they did, but they were clearly not ready to have a mature relationship, not ready for someone as great as you. How could it be your fault when you are not the one who decided to end things? When you were not the one who decided on not talking and not working on the issues you two had?

It's what the lamest breakup line says: "It's not me, it’s you." It is not your fault.

Ana Clever is a junior at Penn State University majoring in Psychology. Coming from Sao Paulo, Brazil, she is a staff writer for Her Campus at PSU and the president of the Brazilian Student Association. She is passionate about traveling, art, and writing. You can find her on Instagram at @ana_clever.
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