April 2019. State College, Pa. We had officially escaped the snow storms that have caused several school days. The sun was coming out and the air was finally feeling free… I’m dramatizing it a little bit, but you get the point. Spring was here. (Or Winter, for you Game of Thrones fans).
I’m a big girl. I’m confident in my body, yet I’ve never dressed the part. The clothes I find comfortable are usually ripped jeans (from Charlotte Russe, but read my previous article on how upset I am), quarter zips, sweatshirts and sneakers. Sometimes I wear leggings, but most of the time it’s jeans.
Anywho, I’m not a dress wearing girl unless I’m wearing heels and it’s a big event. Any other time is rare. And it’s not like I don’t like dresses. I find dresses SOOO pretty. I just struggle with, “but do these go with these shoes?” “do I have to wear earrings with these?” “I DON’T HAVE SHOES THAT MATCH!”
Because I wear sneakers all of the time, I usually don’t have nice shoes that match any of my dresses. And I can’t wear flats or sandals because my feet don’t roll like that, homie.
But, the weather is getting nicer in State College and maybe I should do something different. So, I went outside in a dress. I can’t even remember the last time I walked outside with a dress “for fun.” And I did it. But, it wasn’t easy.
I didn’t have work that morning, so I had extra time to get my life together (it’s the end of the semester and I NEEDED to get my life together). As I was getting ready, I checked the weather app and saw that the temperature was going to be in the 60s. So, I decided to wear a dress.
My mom had just given me some cute Spring dresses, so I went to my closet to try them on. And, of course, after trying on each dress, I sent snaps to my friends to get their opinion on each dress. The options were: a long, light gray dress with a belt and a medium-length, blue and white striped dress. I don’t own many dresses and those were the only two I was even suggesting the world could see me in.
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After going back and forth with my friends on the dresses I realized… “I can’t wear a regular book-bag with this dress. That would look terrible!”
So, back to the drawing board.
I scrambled around my room to find a bag that would look decent with the dresses. At this point I still hadn’t figured out which dress I was going to wear. I was just trying to find a bag because, let’s be honest, the bag really makes the look.
AND I FOUND ONE!
…but, it barely fit my laptop and planner and other things I usually carry with me on a daily basis. I had to squeeze those things in there. It was not fun. But I made it work.
After going back and forth with my friends (again), I finally picked the gray dress. I grabbed my purse and walked out the door. But, then something came over me. I couldn’t walk out in that dress. I didn’t feel comfortable.
I walked back inside my room and changed into the blue dress.
It felt so weird walking outside wearing a dress in general AND I WAS WEARING SANDALS. Lord knows I hate sandals. But, I pushed my anxiety aside and walked outside.
People stared left & right. But, something told me to keep my head high and walk like the boss that I am. And that’s exactly what I did.
I presented myself like the person I’ve always wanted to be: that leader with great confidence to change the world.
I got compliments left and right, but for the first time ever, I didn’t care what people thought of me. I felt so comfortable (except for my feet… they were killing me), that I felt confident enough to just strut my stuff and FEEL good.
It made me realize that the smallest things can really boost your confidence. For me, it was pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and wearing a dress. It was me saying, “big girls can wear dresses and look beautiful in them, too.”
And I’m glad I did it.