I know you probably don’t know my name but I need you to know this. You are disgusting, attractive, loud, messy, annoying boys. At 18 years old I don’t understand how you can’t even pee inside the toilet bowl without leaving a trail of piss all around the seat; but that isn’t even the worst part. Before my bare ass touches the toilet seat I have to endure the constant cleaning of said seat because you don’t wipe your pee off! It is a constant game I play in my head now before entering the bathroom: will there or won’t there be pee on the seat? It is awful that I have to be excited about using a clean bathroom because I am so accustomed to seeing your piss everywhere. Not only that but I would like to personally speak for all of the girls on the floor and say that we do not want to see your semen in the toilet bowl either. We get it. It’s only natural that you would want to jack off in the privacy of a publicly used bathroom, but at least have the courtesy to clean up after yourself.
I also do not appreciate all the pizza boxes and sandwich wrappers that you leave in the lounge. You may be living with a lot of girls now but we are not your mothers and will not clean up after you. Take the extremely heavy empty boxes and throw them away! Or spend a minute and take your trash downstairs. I know that it is a lot to ask of you to be a decent human being but we would love it if you could pretend to care about the other people who live with you.
Your attractive physique, luscious hair, and beaming smile can only get you so far in life. Sure, I overlook the crumbs you leave everywhere because you say “hi”, but don’t push your luck. One of these days I will stop gushing over your magnetic laugh and actually speak my mind. Until then I will continue to give passive aggressive comments about the volume you put the television on during football games and how you always have to scream at the referee.
But I do have to admit that I like when you help me with my homework even if you have no idea what to do. Even though you never invite the girls to play basketball or soccer it is always nice that you share the couch so we can watch it on tv together. We all fell in love when you watched Bachelor in Paradise with us every Monday and even learned the names of the contestants so you could follow along. I hope that as the year goes on we can become closer and learn more about one another in order to have the easiest living conditions for everyone. But until then stop jacking off in the bathroom before we spread rumors about whose semen is floating in there. Thanks.