Recently, I read an article in Vogue about how it has become almost cringe to have a boyfriend now – and that article raised a lot of questions about my experiences in real life and online.
Although I have been absolutely basking in the ‘independent single woman’ era, I never thought about the other side of this phenomenon – rendering boyfriends not only useless, but also ’embarassing’.
After reading the article and reflecting on my experiences, here are my thoughts.
I love this new era of romanticizing single life
I’ve always been one of those girls who hasn’t gone on too many dates nor been in too many relationships. Because of this, I always felt left out, like I was missing out on something that I was supposed to be doing.
In this new era of relationships and independence, however, I am loving all of the support that I have been seeing online. Women are finally being encouraged to live their own lives without depending on a man.
Sure, a lot of people look for their ‘perfect match’ and eventually want to start a family, but why should we all rush to that finish line?
The empowerment of women to finally seize the day in an era in which we no longer need to depend on men to provide for us, or approve our credit cards, is here to stay – and I’m here for it.
Being able to enjoy life as a single woman is essential to building confidence and being comfortable with yourself
As the Vogue article mentions, “Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement, and, if anything, it’s become more of a flex to pronounce yourself single.”
This lesson in confidence and growth is something that I didn’t fully understand until very recently. Over the past few years of college, I have really pushed myself out of my comfort zone, doing things as wild as studying abroad and solo travel, and more mundane activities such as joining new clubs and talking to new people.
All of these things have helped me so much to figure out the person I am and who I want to be. They have helped me to recognize my strengths and the areas I would like to improve.
They have helped me to find the people that bring joy into my life, and the ones that I should leave behind. They have helped me to learn how to deal with conflict and difficult situations.
Most importantly, they have taught me how to be a confident and independent person, and to fake it ‘til you make it. Now I know that I don’t need to rely on anyone – boyfriend or otherwise – meaning that when I do decide to be in a relationship, it will be my choice, not something done out of necessity.
So whether it be going solo to a Zumba class or taking yourself out on a coffee date – do the things that make you uncomfortable and appreciate life.
Your confident future self is already thanking you.
this new era has really made me rethink what type of man i am looking for
There’s a phrase going around the internet that says something along the lines of, “A fantastic man is no greater than an average woman” – meaning that while men are seen as fantastic if they pay for dinner, have a personality, are go-getters, are actually interested in you, ask questions etc. – that is all behavior that is simply expected from the average woman.
Reflecting on this phrase made me realize how true it really is. My girl friends and I frequently pay for each other when we grab a bite to eat; I’m always excited to celebrate their accomplishments; I frequently text them to check in and hear about their life; I ask them questions because I am genuinely interested in them – so forth and so on.
This isn’t to say that all men suck – I know some great men out there, and I’m hoping to find my own one day. This is just to say that in an era of such independence and opportunity for women, we do not need to, and really shouldn’t, settle.
My takeaway from the story is this: there should be no shame in pursuing love, but that same non-judgmental view should also be applied for women who aren’t looking for it.
We should be able to be our own person and also have a relationship, or completely flourish as single women. In reality, the world is our oyster, and there has never been a better time for women to choose how we want to spend our lives.
As Vogue so eloquently puts it, “Obviously, there’s no shame in falling in love. But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it—or not trying at all.”