All right ladies, gents, theys/thems, and everyone in between: let’s talk about how sexy consent can be.
First and foremost, what is consent?
Consent is a 100% communicated ‘yes’ to engage in any form of sexual activity. Of course consent can be taken away at any time. I got out of line for a rollercoaster once because I felt my fear of heights kicking in. It’s the same concept — we’re allowed to change our minds.
Consent cannot be given if your partner is under the influence and not coherent enough to confirm verbal consent. With that being said, a pressured ‘yes’ is not consent. Likewise, just because you’re in a relationship with someone does not mean that consent was implied; that’s not a thing.
Communicate with your partner — comfort and safety is important when you’re trusting someone with your body.
Now that we’re on the same page, why don’t we get to the fun part?
How can consent be sexy?
Picture it, you and your partner are making out. There is all kinds of foreplay going on, you’re thinking of taking off their shirt, and you want to go a little further. Here’s what I want you to try:
Pause, take your hands off their body, make eye contact with them, and ask them what they want.
Although, if you’re going for a more sensual approach, you could do something a little more risque:
Kiss their neck all the way up to their jawline, lightly breathe into their ear, and ask them how badly they want you.
Talking dirty is something many of us are into, but need inspiration for what to say. Combining asking for consent with foreplay is a great start if you’re in that boat.
Here is another trick you could use if you really want to give your partner butterflies: ask them if they think they can handle what you want to do to them. Of course you can use whatever language you prefer here, but there is a nice outline for you to use.
However, if you’re more into a gentle approach, the good old, “are you sure?” is never a bad move. It shows how respectful and caring you are being for your partner.
Consent does not have to be as boring as, “do you want to have sex?” as a lot of people are lead to believe – because consent IS a big deal. Not only is it a big turn on for me to know I have a partner who cares about my well-being, but it’s also a fun way to incorporate teasing. I don’t know many people who do not appreciate the power teasing has.
Personalize your method based on what you would enjoy and with the knowledge of what your partner likes. Experiment with your phrases, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Safe sex is great sex, and I hope we are on the same page now of how hot consent can be.