There’s nothing worse than disputes between roommates — especially when you have nowhere else to go.
In my case, I realized a long time ago that I have minimal control over my situation at hand. For instance, I could clean up the entire kitchen (which I have), but when does it start becoming a pattern? When do they just anticipate I’ll always be the one to do it?
I live with three other people, two of which have barely lived on their own before. I’m by no means a neat freak, but hygiene is definitely something I care about.
Teaching others house maintenance is a challenge. Sometimes they do not want to listen — and they really don’t. For example, maybe playing “garbage jenga” isn’t the best idea, because it could rip the bag.
Nevertheless, conversation has pursued, but to no avail.
Likewise, there have been other issues within friendships. How do you handle this within an already tense environment?
Here are some strategies I would recommend if you’re having roommate conflicts over cleanliness.
Keep your room clean
Last week, I did some early spring cleaning and it felt amazing. I put together clothes to donate, went through old, expired makeup that was begging to be thrown away, reorganized my desk and did all my laundry.
It took me hours, believe me. However, it kept me content in my space, made me feel cozy in my room and took my mind off of the things I have no control over. It’s a mental health boost for sure.
If you share a room with someone, this may encourage them to do the same. I know I always get into a cleaning mood if I see someone else getting rid of things, because I can’t fight the thought that I have a section of my closet full of clothes I don’t wear.
Try Sticky Notes
Be warned, this can be passive aggressive. However, it may work depending on the dynamic of the home.
If someone left their dishes piled high in the drying rack for days, try putting a sticky note that says “please put away,” on it. Try to keep the notes kind.
For people who didn’t grow up with regular chores or haven’t lived on their own, they are learning a new responsibility. It may be the case that they forgot or haven’t yet got into the habit of completing these tasks.
Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to clean it up.
Have a roommate meeting
I’ve had meetings, but lately I’ve felt like a broken record. I’ll come home from work and there’s cups and plates all over the table with nowhere for me to sit down and eat, so eventually I just isolate myself in my room.
Something I’ve noticed at these meetings that I’ve had is that I’m the only one bringing up hardship. If you try to encourage your roommates to bring something to the meeting, perhaps that would help.
Also, finding compromises is important. I try to keep the heat bill low by setting the heat at 70 degrees Fahrenheit (where I would actually prefer a lower setting), where my roommates from warm climates like it to be at 75 degrees. Suggesting a compromise of 72 or 73 may be in order, and this is replicable to all kinds of disagreements.
Get out of the house more
If you’re like me, your roommates are your friends. With tension, it’s challenging even approaching a situation without causing more heat, while still preserving my mental health.
Lately, I’ve tried to get myself out of the house more. I’ve offered to work longer shifts at work, stayed on campus longer, met with friends and visited home recently.
It’s important to take a step back sometimes when you’re feeling overwhelmed, especially if it’s become a constant situation you’ve been living with. Give yourself some breathing room.
Final Thoughts
Work on yourself, always, so you can come back to a strained situation with a clear mind. If a living situation isn’t working out for you, you can always make a countdown until you move out and look forward to the new place you’ll have in the future.
I hope this helps someone out there, take care.