The Five Stages Of Losing Your Juul, Only To Find It In Your Back Pocket Hours Later

Losing your juul is, comparatively, worse than losing a child. For one, you buy and care for a juul, protecting it with your life. You don’t buy a kid (or you might. I don’t know what raising a child is like, obviously.) But misplacing, and subsequently losing your precious juul, especially after you just put a full pod in? Unthinkable.

 

1. Denial

When you first lose your juul, you think you’ve just misplaced it and not lost it to oblivion forever. You tell yourself that it’ll all be okay, you’ll find it again, it’s no big deal. You are wrong.

 

2. Anger

After you realize your juul is gone, you become enraged. Did someone take it? Do they WANT to lose a hand for daring touch your precious cargo? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?! It is now your legal right to go scorched earth on ANYONE that mentions the words ‘mango’ and ‘pod’ to you in the same sentence for the next three business days.

 

3. Depression

Once you’ve realized that no amount of whining/yelling will return your lost juul to you, depression sets in. And this isn’t any kind of depression, this is advanced depression. Everything else in life starts to seem meaningless in comparison. Oh, your friends parents are getting divorced? Your sister’s boyfriend broke up with her? That’s cute. Meanwhile, you’ve lost the true love of your life and everyone just tells you it’s ‘no big deal’. First of all, how dare you.

 

4. Acceptance

When you finally start to emerge from the murky depression that is losing your juul forever, you can kind of start to accept it. After all, they are small and easy to lose track of, especially at crowded events. And yeah, you could just buy a new one, or just stop juuling altogether (like that’s even an option.) Although you are still sad, you can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

5. Pure stupidity

What’s this? Oh, it’s your juul. It was in your back pocket all along. Will you ever admit that you, maybe, overreacted to the whole situation? No, and you never should. Do you feel pretty stupid for forgetting that you literally always put it in your pocket whenever you go out? Absolutely. Just channel your inner Lucille Bluth from "Arrested Development" and keep it moving, all while refusing to admit any emotional exaggeration on your part.