Oh, the dreaded question. Ladies, you know what I’m referring to—the “hush hush” concern that has left some of us women in disarray ever since that one, special day our mothers taught us to preserve. Whether you’ve never spoken about it out loud or talked about it for hours with your girlfriends, it’s bound to cross your mind at some point. And so you ask yourself: Does my number matter?
Maybe you’ve wondered if a guy won’t get serious with you if he knows you have a “high” number or even a “low” number. Well, worry no more my pets; Her Campus is here to find out the truth for you. I’ve spent the last few weeks perusing Penn State’s campus, asking guys of different ages and hometowns what they think about a girl’s number – and there’s a range of opinions. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
My first interview was a bit on the harsh side. I spoke to a junior in a fraternity here at Penn State. He’s 20 years old, from Virginia. When I asked this guy what his thoughts on a girl’s number was, he said, “The number would only matter if she was a virgin, or if it was a high number. As the number gets higher, obviously you think that the girl’s a little dirtier.” Yes, he actually said dirtier. “And if her number is zero or even one you have to be considerate of that and it becomes more complicated.”
He continued to say that a girl being a virgin is not necessarily a bad thing, but people might think that being a virgin in college is weird. Now we all know the defnition of high to one person may be different for another. According to him, “When you start hitting the teens, it’s getting unattractively high.” He said that a girl with a number in the middle, not too high or not too low, wouldn’t be a problem at all. And finally, that if he found out that a girl had a very high number, he would be very turned off and not want to sleep with her.
What I thought when I walked away from that conversation was: double standard. Why can a guy judge a girl so harshly when his number is probably just as high, if not higher?
The next guy I spoke to is also a 20 year old, but from Queens, N.Y. He had more of a complex answer. It seemed to be less of a straightforward concept for him than the other guys I spoke to. The first thing he said was that he finds he can only be physically attracted to a girl that has been with a lot of guys. He said that it’s hard to respect a girl whose “been around” and that he wouldn’t be sure that he could trust them. Similar to before, he would consider “anything in double digits” a high number.
Next I asked him what happens if he finds out that she has a high number after he starts to like a girl and gets to know her? He answered that by saying that he doesn’t judge, so if the girl was willing to tell him about her “slutty” past, that would prove that she is open and ready to change that.
I respect his honest and seemingly genuine answers, but what bothers me is when a guy thinks that just because a girl does her thing while she is single, that means that she would not be seen as trustworthy in a relationship. Bearing in mind that guys are praised for sleeping with as many women as they can while they’re single, sometimes even when they’re not single, it is hypocritical for a girl’s past to be considered “slutty” even thought she wasn’t in a relationship.
The last guy I spoke to is a junior, also in a fraternity here at Penn State. He is 21 and from New Jersey. When I asked him if a girl’s number matters to him, he replied with “not at all.” You think that’s cute? Just wait for it. Then I asked whether or not he would sleep with a girl if he knew she had a high number. He said, “I wouldn’t think differently of her, maybe I would be more second-guessing, but overall, if she’s nice and I have a good time with her then it shouldn’t matter.”
But that wasn’t the only difference. With regards to what he considers to be “high” he said, “Well generally I don’t even ask but I’d say high for me is like 15 or 20, but as long as she has self respect, is confident in herself and has a positive self esteem than it really doesn’t matter to me what the number is.”
As you can see, there are many different types of guys who have all different opinions on this subject. Most likely, you’ll come across a type similar to all three of these and then some with even stronger opinions. Some of these viewpoints might offend you or maybe even melt your heart, but either way, you are who you are and your decisions are your decisions. We cannot let other people’s opinions define us, especially people we don’t know.
Bottom line ladies: The guys that will judge you based on something so personal and complex as the number of people you’ve slept with are not the guys that you want to spend your time on. There are guys out there that will look beyond your sexuality and see you as more than just a number, high or low. Be aware of what people may say, but remember that the only opinion that truly matters is your own.