Up until my freshman year of high school, I brushed my hair out and put it into a slicked back ponytail everyday.
I was very much uncomfortable with how I looked and unsure of how to even approach my hair. I am Colombian and Peruvian, meaning I got a mix of my dad’s (now bald) afro and my mom’s pin-straight hair. This mix has made for a definitely frustrating journey in dealing with my usually wavy and sometimes, when it decides to cooperate, curly hair.
Over the years, I have scoped the internet — Youtube, Google, Instagram — virtually wherever, to find what would work best for me. However, this journey began about 7 years ago and I still cannot tell you my holy grail product.
I can tell you my best advice is to stop caring. I spent so long picking at my flyaways and analyzing every frizzy strand. It led to me trying product after product.
I have found that when I stop trying and stop worrying is when my hair really looks best; for some odd reason I can never understand.
To be completely honest though, I am the last person who should say “embrace your hair!” I write this as I finger comb through my hair repeatedly because I woke up and my hair was slightly knotty; and my only destination for the day is the end of season 4 of New Girl.
Basically, I think we can all agree that, despite our hair being completely unique from each other, we have at some point felt the same way.
In our society, comparison is inevitable, yet the beauty standards set are not very representative to even make reasonable comparisons.
Every haircare ad is aimed at “taming your frizz”, addressing my frizz as if it’s some kind of ferocious animal that does not deserve love. The video advertisements might even be worse. They display usually a lady with straight hair, her shiny hair billowing in artificial wind.
I just remember being so entranced and — even worse — envious, because I knew my hair could really never look like that.
The sets of products made for my hair when I was younger all read, “for dull, dry unmanageable, unruly hair.” The framing of this message permeated in my brain for years and genuinely affected how I viewed my own “unruly and unmanageable” hair.
Honestly, this idea still sticks in my head like sap from tree bark. Social media doesn’t help at all either. We all see the posts from influencers who have salon-treated hair everyday somehow.
Everything we see is simply one mere, carefully crafted and edited, second of someone’s life yet I still think, “wow, they look perfect! Why don’t I look like that?”
This phenomenon applies everywhere as well, as even in my own Colombian culture. The preferred hair there in its capital of Bogotá, is straight hair. I remember when my sister visited, someone actually came up to her, and suggested she would look better if she would “fix” her hair; it was naturally curly that day.
My sister’s hair is beautiful though. Her ringlets, each one of their own, create a joyous, bouncy neighborhood of curls, and I could not imagine her without it. She would not be herself without them.
No matter the texture of your hair, do not become caught up in the standards set by major beauty advertisements.It is yours and it is up to you to love it.
When I say it’s time to stop caring about your hair, I mean it is time to accept your hair and just care for it as you can. Your hair is like a delicate flower. You don’t pluck a flower from the ground, you admire its beauty and appreciate it.
Although your hair doesn’t have its own feelings, just do not hate your hair. Nourish it and treat it gently. Admire it and appreciate it.
Be kind to yourself by being kind to your hair.