There is no better time to be alive than now. Generation Z has totally changed the game for our future; we are the epitome of independence. We’ve learned to set boundaries and carve our own paths.
We set limits to what we will do; that doesn’t mean we don’t push for the most, it just means that we won’t accept the pushing from others. Gen-Z has arguably learned to fight back against the norms of society, which in most cases shows their voices.
However, have we taken it too far? Are we mistaking impertinence for personal limitations?
I am a big believer that you must put yourself first. We cannot please others if, as ourselves, we are not pleased, especially when bending over backwards will only lead to losing ourselves. Learning to say no is actually one of the most crucial life lessons to be learned.
But recently, I’ve noticed a trend of people using this initiative as a way to lack socially in a way that seems acceptable. Canceling plans and lacking in your work aren’t always setting a boundary; in some cases, it’s actually just being insensitive.
Obviously, everything is circumstantial, and there will always be a situation where something is completely warranted, yet it seems the bulk of these so-called ‘boundaries’ are simply just excuses. Or perhaps even a way to take control in a place where someone feels powerless.
My best example of this is like canceling on a friend because you just don’t feel like it, or all of a sudden deciding you don’t want to show face at your friend’s birthday party. That isn’t a boundary you’re setting; that’s lacking in your commitment to your friend. It makes me question where all the loyalty has gone.
Plans are a promise and a commitment to a matter. They show that you care and that you are devoted. For me, it’s all about showing up and being there for your people because you would want them there for you, and that’s what they deserve.
When I talk about canceling, I’m not referring to moments where something else has come up, or one genuinely needs a night of self-care. There will always be a time to put ourselves first, and that will almost, and should almost, always be a priority. Trust me, I am always down for a night to myself. But what I am really talking about is the constant and chronic cancelling that I fear has ruined trying to have a human connection.
Most importantly, people are forgetting that boundaries and commitment coexist. It’s not an all-or-nothing concept; you can, in fact, have a balance.
A blog by Haley Magee called “This boundary advice is secretly destroying your relationships,” perfectly describes how certain boundaries that may work in certain situations where you are being taken advantage of don’t often work in friendships and relationships, as societal expectations of a boundary are often strict and rigid.
Relationships, casual ones included, are two-way streets. Magee explains that these are connections where “both people invest energy into the relationship,” often meaning that conflict, or even just the relationship in general, requires compromise and respect.
I want to reiterate that boundaries and setting them are crucial to the way we function as a society. Personally, I am a big fan of them. But we need to learn a balance within the boundary that doesn’t cut off the consideration of changes.
To circle back to my original question, are we taking boundaries too far? My conclusion is yes, but also no. All we really need is to find the perfect mix of limits and loyalty.