This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at PSU chapter.
So far on The Bachelor, we’ve been #blessed with your typical strange, overprotective girl, your unnecessary childish cat fights and the lovely Ben Higgins. It’s just yet another season of great drama that makes us question our abilities to find love. Thanks, Bachelor.
Moving onto episode three, we didn’t expect anything less. So here is a list of the 83 thoughts we were all thinking while watching this week’s The Bachelor.
1. First date card is here, finally
2. It better not be Olivia or Lace
3. YESSSS!!!! It’s Lauren B (nope, not Lauren H., Lauren “LB” or Lauren R.)
4. There goes Olivia congratulating Lauren B. on her date card. How much faker can you get, honestly?
5. Olivia, we all know you would have your toes as fingers if it meant you’d be the one to marry Ben and get the final rose
6. In walks Ben, looking dapper as always
7. Ben and Lauren B. are both wearing blue. Is it a coincidence or just a match made in heaven?
8. Ben, honestly, you’re taking a girl who just spent hours on her hair in a convertible?
9. She probably hates you for that. #amirite ladies?
10. He’s taking her on a plane. I repeat he is taking Lauren B., THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT, on a plane
11. She said she’s scared
12. HOW?! Isn’t this your job?
13. In the sky, they speak a few words, consisting of well… nothing really
14. Lauren B.’s eyes start to water from the wind. Now, not only is her hair a mess but so is her makeup. Good one, Ben
15. This is awkward
16. They attempt to kiss, but they end up bumping their helmets into each other instead. Smooth
17. But don’t worry, they try again
18. And again
19. And another time
20. Did they even look at the pretty view?
21. Seriously, how did that hot tub get in the middle of a desert?
22. HOW?
23. Ben must love the hot tub dates
24. Still wondering how that magically appeared and how it’s full of water
25. THEY ARE LITERALLY IN A DESERT
26. But honestly, the real question here is how Lauren B. can get her hair into such a perfect low bun
27. I would wear my hair like that to my wedding
28. And she’s sitting in a damn hot tub
29. Ben stops kissing Lauren B. to announce that the farting sound was not him
30. Romantic
31. Then comes the candlelit dinner
32. Lauren B. explains how her dad loves to mow the lawn
33. So does mine. Can I have Ben now?
34. And she then makes an even more uncomfortable comment on how she wants to meet his family. It is only week 3. Slow down
35. After, is the typical Bachelor private concert where they slow dance awkwardly
36. Lauren B. gets the rose and they live happily ever after. Well not really, but we all hope so
37. #TeamLaurenB
38. Group date time
39. It’s a soccer game. Original
40. Stars vs. Stripes… more like the Where’s Waldos vs. the Dallas Cowboys
41. “We’re totally going to win because we’re the Stars!” Stop. Please stop
42. The Stars better win
43. Olivia cannot go on this date
44. And they lost
45. Lace, do you seriously not know the goalie can pick the ball up with their hands? You’re 20-something-years-old
46. These girls are crying over their win as if it was a World Cup victory
47. It’s just Ben
48. Well, Olivia grabs Ben before he can even finish his sentence
49. I didn’t see that one coming
50. Lace: “She’s very aggressive.” And you aren’t? #sorrynotsorry
51. Another girl tells Olivia they were talking about her ugly toes
52. Is this middle school?
53. Olivia asks if they said anything about her cankles or calves. You’re just making it worse for yourself
54. Amber ends up getting the rose. She better get that rose. She had to go on Bachelor twice to find love
55. Maybe try Match.com or something
56. As long as Olivia didn’t get it
57. Meanwhile, the last one on one date card comes to the house
58. Casual that all the girls are already sitting on the couch when someone knocks at the door
59. And the date goes to Jubilee
60. So according to Jubs, Ben arrives 20 minutes late. PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING A HELICOPTER READY FOR YOU
61. “Does someone else want to go on this date for me?” “YES” – all of America
62. Do the women not understand it was a joke?
63. This girl may be a little uncomfortable, but she is real
64. Jubs told Ben her favorite food was a hot dog
65. Any other girl would’ve definitely said a salad
66. That was repulsive. She spit out the caviar right in front of Ben
67. I don’t know if Ben didn’t like the fact that she was actually spitting up right in front of him or that he was going to have a kiss a mouth full of regurgitated caviar
68. While in the pool, Jubilee attempts to claw dandruff out of Ben’s luscious locks
69. Aggressive
70. She then pulls the, “I have no family,” left card
71. Ben can’t not give her the rose now
72. But if she makes it to hometown dates, the real question is, who’s going to meet Ben?
73. Calia starts crying because Ben is dating other women. I know you’ve seen The Bachelor before
74. You literally left your boyfriend due to seeing Ben on the show
75. So chill
76. Ironic that Ben lost two “close community members” the day right before the rose ceremony
77. Olivia, what are you doing?? Oh my god. Ben just had two tragic losses, and she is reassuring him she doesn’t have cankles
78. This must be a joke
79. This isn’t the spa. It’s the rose ceremony. Stop with the massage, Jubilee
80. Lace, we all know you just left, so you didn’t have to face Ben sending you home
81. It’s like when you quit a job before the boss fires you
82. Then, we say goodbye to three irrelevant women we didn’t even know the names of
83. Is it too late now to say sorry?