8 Signs You’re in a Situationship

Raise your hand if you’ve had your heart broken by someone who you’ve never even been in a relationship with. 

I promise you, I’m raising my hand, too. Unfortunately, it seems to be a rising trend in today’s evolved dating culture — or rather the absence of it. 

From the get-go, it’s important to establish a means of communication. There are confident ways to approach this before you wriggle deeper into the quicksand of a situationship.

So, what is a situationship?

To loosely define a situationship, it’s when you and another person are sexually, emotionally, and/or physically invested in one another, but there’s a lack of commitment and no label on your relationship together. This can be dangerous if you’re both not on the same page, and can lead to a stinging heartache if it ends badly. 

It’s not only the pain of a heartbreak, but the mixed feelings of not knowing what could have been but also the painful truth of recognizing that you’ve been led on for a while. 

Basically it’s nothing you need — or want.

I’m here to help you identify some of the most conspicuous red flags that our brains just seem to ignore when we’re head over heels for someone. 

They haven’t asked you to be in a relationship

First and most importantly, if neither of you have popped the question and gotten a big-fat ‘YES,’ you aren’t official. 

Scratch that, if neither of you have had a conversation about what you are doing, what your relationship together means, and had the anxious discussion of feelings… you’re probably in a situationship. This is probably the first place to start when communicating with the person you’re in a situationship with. 

They haven’t introduced you to any of their friends, even though they’ve met yours

This one is bold but often hard to miss. There could always be special circumstances on why they haven’t introduced you to their friends, BUT most of the time it’s because you’re a secret. 

Someone who is crazy about you would most likely want to show you off to their friends, or at least introduce you. I had a guy who never even told his friends about me — they didn’t even know my name for months. Hindsight is 20/20, and here we are in 2020 to learn for next time.

Your effort significantly outweighs theirs

This one is pretty self-explanatory, and I’ve truly been there. When you care for someone, you go the extra mile to make them happy, but it’s hurtful when it’s not reciprocated. Some examples include how often they ask to see you, what they did for you for your birthday versus what you did for theirs, or how often they text you.

They’re just private-story material

If they don’t want to be posted on your main story, or never post about you after a solid amount of time has passed, this adds to the thought that they might be hiding you from others. This is especially evident when they outright tell you not to post a picture of the two of you together.

They won’t show affection in public

Don’t get me wrong, PDA isn’t for everyone. In some cases, it can even be gross. 

However, if the person you’re in a situationship with is illustrating a stand-offish attitude versus an affectionate one when you’re alone, this may be a sign. For instance, maybe they won’t hold your hand or hug you goodbye in a public place or around their friends. 

This is a big red flag that they may be keeping your relationship together too much on the DL. 

All you do is hookup when you hangout

I’ve been there, and as easy as it is to fall into this trap, it builds more of a physical relationship than an emotional one. 

In my experience, it’s seemed to be much easier for men to not grow attached even if we had been sleeping together for months. I’ve talked to other women, I’ve realized that through sleeping with someone, we tend to become attached without even realizing it at first. 

It’s a red flag that all you two seem to do is have sex — maybe that’s the biggest thing they feel they’re benefitting from. Know your worth, you don’t need any of that.

Your texts are in the blue

“In the blue,” means that you’re texting them much more than they’re texting you. Your contribution to the conversation is greater than theirs. 

Whether they’re a dry texter or not, it’s important to note that if they don’t seem interested in talking to you outside of the bedroom, it might be time to either cut them off or have a conversation about it. 

You’re the one who always makes the plans to hangout

If you’re planning every time you see each other, or are the only one asking to hangout, it really demonstrates where you sit on their priority list. You don’t deserve to be on the backburner to someone you’ve invested so much time trying to make happy. 

Breakups are painful, but personally I think the ending of a situationship can be even more catastrophic. Trust me when I say it’s so much better when you are the one who cuts it off in an effort to put yourself first. 

With that being said, it’s important to have a conversation with them, because everyone shows their love differently. Nevertheless, going back to the first red flag, if they haven’t asked you to be in a relationship, they’re not your s/o yet. 

My recommendation? Have a conversation. Talk about how you’re feeling, what you want, and see where they stand. If you two don’t want the same things, time will heal. 

I promise you, staying in a situationship won’t change them and what they want. Getting out of it can unlock a beautiful opportunity for you to get to know yourself and grow, because you deserve the world. 

Never settle for less.