Relationships can be a wonderful part of your college experience – time with your SO is something amazing to look forward to, especially when stressful classes, piles of work, and occasional curveballs threaten to knock you down. Navigating the world of college relationships is not always easy, and a grey area often exists between which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. If your partner does any of the following, it may be time to give your relationship a second look. Let’s take a look at 7 signs that your relationship with your SO needs an evaluation.
1. They seem uninterested in growing with you.
As college students, it’s unrealistic to think we know exactly where we’re going in life. Even students who feel they have a reasonable idea of what their future will hold will undoubtedly experience roadblocks and hardship during their college career. Your relationship and the course it takes won’t be perfect, but your partner should be prepared to take the imperfections and work with them. A strong relationship means that both people are reasonable, adaptable, and excited about the relationship even if they don’t know what exactly the future might bring. If your SO seems uninterested in addressing important issues, resolving problems or growing alongside you, they may never be ready for a future with you when the time does come.
2. They fail to listen.
Everyone needs someone to lean on every now and then, and the ability to listen is a necessary aspect of a relationship. Your SO may not be able to give you perfect advice all the time, and that’s perfectly fine. But if your partner appears uninterested in the goings-on of your life, or finds an excuse to change the conversation before you’re ready or even bluntly refuses to listen to what you have to say, you may not be their first priority.
3. They make you question where you stand.
A strong relationship will allow you to feel safe, secure, and certain about the connection you have with your SO, there is no excuse for “maybe.” If you ever find yourself questioning your place in your partner’s life, don’t brush it off. You don’t have time to be with someone who makes you feel like any less than a priority.
*Note: If your partner has cheated or strayed from the relationship in any way, think carefully about giving them a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes, but there’s a difference between an honest mistake and a “mistake” that really just alludes to a deeper problem within the relationship.
4. They don’t care about your other relationships.
You love your friends and family for the positivity they add to your life. However, it’s not necessarily realistic to expect your SO to feel the same way about all these people. Despite your numerous similarities, you and your partner are not the same person and that’s okay. However, there’s a difference between not getting along and simply not caring enough to try. If your SO knows you have these other relationships but couldn’t care less about them, it could be a major red flag.
5. They fight unfairly.
It’s no secret that arguments are unavoidable and even a necessary aspect of a relationship. But it is how each couple fights that determine whether the relationship ultimately flourishes or crumbles. Your partner should take the time needed to express their side of the situation, while also allowing you to do the same. Be wary if you find that your SO frequently fights unfairly, guilt-trips you, or lashes out unreasonably during an argument.
6. They don’t make you feel wanted.
College students are extremely busy with schoolwork, extra-curricular, and the daunting task of preparing for a life after school ends. Your SO likely won’t have all the time in the world to spend with you (and vice versa), but a good partner will work to prioritize the time they do have with you. You should never have to question your SO’s desire to spend time with you; if you ever hesitate to ask them to hang because you’re not sure of what they’ll say, the relationship may be more one-sided than you thought.
7. They try to change your fundamental qualities.
Your love for fashion, your snarky sense of humor and your obsession with red lipstick are qualities that paint the picture of your life and distinguish your story from others. If your partner attempts to change these fundamental qualities, it may be an indication that they don’t respect you for your full self. As a college student you are trying to discover your strengths and passions and are in a critical part of your life that no one should take away from you. A healthy relationship will make you feel like a better version of yourself, not a different person altogether.
Always ask yourself if this is a relationship for you, don’t be afraid to end something just because you’re of what is next. Good luck, collegiettes!