I had my hardest break-up when I was 16 years old. Honestly, my brain went on auto-pilot for an entire week and I could hardly remember anything.
This is when a therapist I was seeing reminded me that time would heal me; in six weeks I’d be feeling much better.
Six weeks? I found that hard to believe. I loved him with my entire being — how was I supposed to put my shattered heart back together in six weeks?
Nevertheless, I sat down one night and wrote down my game-plan for the next six weeks. To my surprise, tending to my own emotional injuries was benefitting my mood, despite missing him.
I learned to accept the fact that I could love him from a distance until it slowly faded away. Even better, I learned that I had to develop a loving relationship on my own.
Week 1: Let Yourself Feel Everything
This is the toughest part of the healing process. In “The Fault in Our Stars,” Augustus Waters said, “Pain demands to be felt.”
You have to cry it out. Curl up under your blankets and cry in your bed, and make sure to cuddle with a blanket or stuffed animal. Play a sad playlist and keep some tissues nearby.
Eat a bunch of junk food, allow yourself to be lazy and channel your inner couch potato. Allow yourself to rest physically because of how overwhelmed you are feeling emotionally.
You have one week to allow yourself to feel like absolute garbage over this break-up, but that’s all you get.
Week 2: Pick Yourself Up
This is the point where you’re all done crying 24/7. You have to pick yourself back up and actively work towards distracting yourself through productivity.
This includes doing anything to take your mind off of the break-up. Make sure you shower, get dressed and try to get out of the house. Go with a friend to get your nails done, or go out to lunch.
Slowly incorporate more productive activities throughout the week, like deep-cleaning your bathroom, getting back into your work-out routine or cooking dinner for yourself.
Do something productive that benefits your physical and mental well-being.
Week 3: Cut Them Out
I know you are still peeking on their social media accounts, checking their snapchat scores and stalking their location.
Stop looking to see when they were last active. Stop working yourself up if they deleted all of your photos together on their feed. Stop worrying about what they are doing right this second and start focusing on you.
Delete your pictures together, maybe even unfollow them, and consider deleting your text messages to refrain from reading them over and over again.
Going through a break-up with social media at our fingertips can be damaging to our mental health. The situation is going to stay the same, but if you are more worried about them than you are about yourself, how are you going to heal?
Week 4: Time For a Change
This one relates to week two, but at this point it’s been a month since the break-up. It’s time for a bigger change, something new to focus on for a little boost of serotonin.
This should be a healthy change, like rearranging your bedroom, taking up a new hobby, reading a new book series, or – dare I say it – coloring your hair.
Typically this is the week I’ve noticed my mood become more balanced and have felt happier. If you’re feeling the same way as I have, post a really cute selfie. Show the world, yourself and your ex that you’re doing well.
Week 5: Consider Moving On
At this point, a healthy amount of time has passed where you can begin the process of moving on.
Go on a date, talk to someone new, or hook-up with someone if you feel like it. This is completely optional, but it isn’t a bad idea to open up your options.
When I approached this step, I never considered jumping into a serious relationship five weeks post-break-up, but some of my friends have. They found successful and happy relationships at this stage, so it is possible.
You should only do what you are comfortable with.
Week 6: Enjoy Your Progress
By this point, I promise you’ll start feeling like yourself again, as long as you’ve been following the steps. It’s important to note that each of these weeks should incorporate the productivity the previous week presented.
By this point, your mind will be clear enough to be able to personalize this final week. Go hangout with your friends, enjoy time with your family and remember to take at least an hour each day for yourself.
Self-care is the remedy, but you are the cure.
Five Years Later
I came up with this nearly five years ago, and I still love him from a distance. I tucked away the memory of the love we shared and will keep it safely in my possession forever. I still care for him, we have a beautiful friendship now.
He has a gorgeous girlfriend, who appears to be so genuine and caring of him, and I’ve never seen him happier.
It’s possible to love someone from a distance and let time determine how your lives will operate separately. There was a time for us, then that time ended, and now we celebrate each other as individuals.
He taught me to love, and our break-up taught me to love myself.
All of our relationships, platonic and romantic, teach us about ourselves. Having this realization was my key to surviving a break-up and thriving after the six weeks.
I wish you the best, please take care of yourself.