If you’re considering coming to Penn State, you probably should reconsider for the following reasons:
1. Football games are super boring.
We’re actually known for our lack of school pride and hardly anyone goes to games. Who even is our quarterback or our coach?
2. THON isn’t the largest student-run philanthropy in the world.
Trust us, standing in the Bryce Jordan Center for those 46 hours is not inspirational at all. In fact, raising over 13 million dollars for pediatric cancer makes us pretty “pitiful.”
3. The campus is super ugly, and it’s definitely not worth posting a picture of it on your Instagram.
4. If you come here, you won’t get a job because our school is known for its unsuccessful graduates.
Also, our alumni network is so small it’s very hard to network with previous graduates.
5. People don’t know how to have fun here.
Our nickname is actually “Boring Valley” because of the lack of parties and nightlife.
6. The food at Penn State is horrible.
You must avoid the ice cream from The Berkey Creamery and Pokey Sticks from Gumby’s.
This university definitely isn’t the best school in the world. Believe us when we say that you won’t spend the best four years of your life at PSU.